My dad just told us that he wants his next birthday party to be exactly a minute long.

It’s his sixty second birthday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2022
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Two brothers plan on sharing the soda they just bought, half half. The first brother drinks the entire bottle in a minute. The other bother says "why the hell did you drink the entire thing? We were going to each have half!"

The brother who chugged the soda responds "my half was on the bottom."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/w00dw0rk3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
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I just met nicolas cage and i said i bet you cant eat this scone in a minute.

He did. It was scone in 60 seconds

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Giraffe401
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2021
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A man walks into his dentist’s office for a root canal. To his surprise, she finishes the procedure in just 10 minutes.

He asks: β€œHow did you do that so quickly?”

The dentist replies: β€œOh, it’s just a root-tine procedure.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noble_29
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
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Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyp433
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"

He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sedulas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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I just bought a bed that was advertised as making you fall asleep in under 5 minutes. It didn't work.

I guess it's a bunk bed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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[meta] Does anyone else spend 15 minutes explaining things to their kids just to tell a 5 second joke?

Or is it just me? My eldest is 8 but I still had to show him what a zippo was before I laid the hippo/zippo one on him.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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Just for a minute

Me: hm I thought I was 5:30 My husband: it was just for a minute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishlett8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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I just spent a few minutes complaining about people who smell bad.

It was a deodor-rant.

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slvyr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
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Just a minute

Me: Son, can I talk to you for a minute?

Son: Sure

Me: 1, 2 ,3, 4,...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akairborne
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Girlfriend just got me with this one a few minutes ago.

Girlfriend and I are laying in bed, watching a movie. I'm not into the movie, so, in an attempt to get me to watch it, she said, "You can play with my boobs if you watch the movie." So, naturally, I put my hand down her shirt and start having fun.

"I said you could play with my boobs, not my nipples."

"Your nipples are a part of your boobs."

"My nipples are a whole other enTITTY."

She's gonna make a great dad someday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xredyrx7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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I just burned a thousand calories in twelve minutes!

I forgot I had a pizza in the oven

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zortor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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If you can't remember where you put your boomerang, just wait a minute...

It will come back to you

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zydecolarry
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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One my dad said just a minute ago.

Me: Hey dad, have you ever driven anywhere in your underwear? Dad: I drive everywhere in my underwear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/migal02
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
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My dad just left the room to go get showered and he said: "I won't be a minute...."

"..... I'll be about twenty."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trajiin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
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Dropped a dad joke on my dad just a few minutes ago.

Very short backstory: My dad has a huge-ish garden full of all sorts of vegetables.

So anyway, We're in the garden and I saw a giant beet sticking out of the ground so I picked it up, turned to my dad and say, "Sorry dad, I dropped the beet". I finally got him at his own game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bipnoodooshup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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My friend, who's a drummer, got me just a few minutes ago

I asked him to stop drumming so that I could finish reading an essay by Thoreau, and within a few minutes, I received this text: "Does my lack of drumming allow you to do a more Thoreau job with your reading?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D_onm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
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My dad made a joke just a few minutes ago

My mom got up and said "My foots asleep" and my dad responded "sshhh don't wake it up"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pizazloco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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He just sat there in his truck chuckling for a good minute.

I work in sales at a car dealership. Old man drives on lot. me: "sir do you need a hand?" old man: "no thanks, I've got two"

I chuckled with him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uquery
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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