Just a Minute Puns

He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"

I guess it's a bunk bed.

Me: hm I thought I was 5:30 My husband: it was just for a minute.

ImPeck-able

Or is it just me? My eldest is 8 but I still had to show him what a zippo was before I laid the hippo/zippo one on him.

Me: Son, can I talk to you for a minute?

Son: Sure

Me: 1, 2 ,3, 4,...

I forgot I had a pizza in the oven

It was a deodor-rant.

It will come back to you

Girlfriend and I are laying in bed, watching a movie. I'm not into the movie, so, in an attempt to get me to watch it, she said, "You can play with my boobs if you watch the movie." So, naturally, I put my hand down her shirt and start having fun.

"I said you could play with my boobs, not my nipples."

"Your nipples are a part of your boobs."

"My nipples are a whole other enTITTY."

She's gonna make a great dad someday.

Me: Hey dad, have you ever driven anywhere in your underwear? Dad: I drive everywhere in my underwear.

"..... I'll be about twenty."

Very short backstory: My dad has a huge-ish garden full of all sorts of vegetables.

So anyway, We're in the garden and I saw a giant beet sticking out of the ground so I picked it up, turned to my dad and say, "Sorry dad, I dropped the beet". I finally got him at his own game.

I asked him to stop drumming so that I could finish reading an essay by Thoreau, and within a few minutes, I received this text: "Does my lack of drumming allow you to do a more Thoreau job with your reading?"

My mom got up and said "My foots asleep" and my dad responded "sshhh don't wake it up"

I work in sales at a car dealership. Old man drives on lot. me: "sir do you need a hand?" old man: "no thanks, I've got two"

I chuckled with him.