Beetle juicing on r/beetlejuicing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feisty_paint_girl
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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I got canned from a Orange juice factory...

Just couldn't concentrate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I can't think about buying any stupid pure freshly squeezed juice right now.

I need to concentrate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pirateahoj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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The orange juice industry is not doing very well.

Tomorrow they will give a special press release.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.

So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ajellysandwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Get him some Juice
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoyPaul66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.

It was a cider attack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PHATstuFF21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I once saw a guy staring at a can of orange juice, and when I asked him why he was doing that,

he said, "because it says 'concentrate' on the can."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agsederq
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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What do you call juice with no ice in it?

Ju

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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New album by Juice Springsteen
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideOctopus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Are oranges born to be juiced?

... Or will they only do it when they are under pressure?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forstuvetankel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins

It’s the weight and c approach I guess

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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What if someone made raisins with juice in them

That would be grape

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πŸ‘€︎ u/That1GuyPrivate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice

They were really sour about it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Angoram
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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β€œDad, how do we make orange juice from the concentrate?” -5yo

β€œWe use 3 cans of water to distract it.”

β€œWhat?”

β€œYa it should lose focus soon enough.”

the eye rolls from my partner were fantastic.

This happened tonight. We were talking about β€œconcentrate” because they read me silly jokes from their school milk cartons like β€œwhy does X stare at the can of OJ? Because it says β€˜concentrate’.” So we were talking about what the word meant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/8bagels
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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TIFU by telling a joke while overfilling a pitcher with that hawaiian juice drink...

I forgot the punch line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied

β€œIt’s easy peasy lemon squeegee”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?

You consomme out of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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My clippers ran out of juice half way through shaving so I started to beat the heck out of em...

...for extra battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clouc1223
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?

Pulp Friction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?

Ya basic!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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I just downloaded the new app which will evaluate you bank account and tell you which Apple product you can afford. Turns out I can afford,

Apple juice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lisajean1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?

Pulp fiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stunner19
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Forgiveness is the most important part of a well balanced breakfast.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?

A Daycare's Buzzin'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamugo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Why did the orange become juice?

He couldn't handle the pressure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterAldona
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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Concentrated orange juice
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseStabMe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I inhaled my juice when I read this, now I'm coffin'
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cooldude075
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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The orange juice was studying very hard

It looked concentrated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NOTfromMARS007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a wine.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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What did Julius Ceasar say after a disappointing sip of his overly sweet orange juice?

Meh. Too fruity.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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If lemon juice is lemonade

then cum juice is DECADE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hmmmmmmble_trauma
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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What is Hitler's favorite drink?

Juice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikolaospap
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Windows made from apple juice
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Why are lemon juice and vinegar so sour?

People keep tripping acid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamantcondition
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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The orange juice industry is not doing very well.

Tomorrow they will give a special press conference

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to work at the orange juice factory..

I got fired because I couldn't concentrate...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VentilatedEgg
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I got fired from the frozen orange juice factory today.

I just couldn’t concentrate.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Popepepe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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I got fired from the orange juice factory because

I couldn't concentrate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theMasterDerpy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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