She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
..do you just get exhausted ?
A maybe....
Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
Inflation
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
..or am I just a terrible Teacher ?
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
"A TOE TRUCK!!??"
A pizza shit
Con-descending
Because it's a feline.
My family doesn't appreciate my humor.
Since it'll be 4/22
Me: It must be my weekend immune system.
I know he means well.
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
A boom box
German children are kinder.
They always wanted a father figure.
it talks so if it's being annoying just say "open down"
Because everyone is married.
It said “Michelle”
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
You might step in a poodle!
(from my 70 year old uncle)
Alien Vs Predator
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
The Rifle Tower 😩
She isn’t your friend anymore.
If you are wondering how I know this, it's because olive random trivia
"No Dad, it was fuck."
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
It's because they're still alive.
A Mass Tooting
A Flashback
"who's a Gouda boy"
"You are a Gouda boy"
Gravy.
You tell it that the world does not revolver- round you.
In your head in your heeeaaad
.........trees are releafed now
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
