British people be like I'm bri ish

It's because they drank the t

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sss69sss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Why cant bri'ish people pronounce t?

Because they drank it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eboy_Elmo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to a new(ish) sandwich shop for dinner, close to where she grew up.

Her: This building didn’t used to be here.

Me: Every building didn’t used to be there!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Show-Tune-Singer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Very rarely will you meet a fully fledged Scott. Most of them are only Scott-ish
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jelutr0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Why do the English say they're bri ish instead of british?

Because since the incident in Boston, they've learned to hide their t.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IbbeTheCat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Ha! Rad-ish! Get it!? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yoshesh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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I've had a knoephla this ish
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daddy-Donut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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I thought something was Am-ish
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashlikesbinkies
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Chair-ish your life
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FelixST64
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
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A new(ish) Dad and Nike

We have a one year old son who is learning to use a cup. Tonight he was on the porch, "drinking" some water wearing a new and adorable little Nike outfit. The shirt got soaked so I took it off and let him continue to "drink" from his cup. Well of course he eventually dumped it on the floor.

So Dad is sitting there and he tells me to "just wipe it up with the shirt".

I say "NO WAY! I'm not using this brand new Nike shirt to clean the floor!"

Dad responds with "Just Do itℒ…"

...and looked at me with a face like it was the most clever hysterical thing that has ever been uttered in human history.

Me and this poor kid have a long road ahead of us...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ketochos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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Wife had me stop for potatoes (Long-Ish?)

Wife called me while i was driving home from work and asked me to stop at Kroger and get potatoes, as she forgot them for dinner. Also told me I might as well get beer (yay).

So i walk in the grocery store and check out the beer situation. Nothing on sale, eh. So i decide to buy the potatoes and walk to the liquor store next door as they stores share a parking lot and I'm not driving 200 feet.

I go to the liquor store, grab my juice and head to the counter. "Anything else?" The clerk says. Raising the beer and potatoes I respond, "I'll take the beer but i don't think this vodka is ready yet!"

He didn't find it funny but I was thinking of you guys the whole time!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flattishsassy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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A dirty-ish joke that my dad once told me...

So my dad told me this joke several years ago. I later found it on the internet. So I'm just pasting it here as it is written online:


A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said β€˜I want to be a movie star.’ Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, β€˜What’s your name?’

The guy said, β€˜My name is Penis van Lesbian.’

The agent said, β€˜Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are going to have to change your name.’

β€˜I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!’

The agent said, β€˜Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years… you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I’m telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.’

β€˜So be it! I guess we will not do business together’ the guy said and he left the agent’s office.

FIVE YEARS LATER….. The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed:

Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HAL9000000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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Puns aren’t the aphrodisiac I thought they were.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laurens_tits
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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An in eresting title
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techno_chef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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He knew he'd be pun-ished for his choice. http://explosm.net/comics/3853/
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtDansBedPan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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Old shopping malls never die…

They just get de-mall-ished.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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4 prisoners are telling each other what they were convicted for

The First man says: I committed 2nd degree murder

The Second says: I committed: 1st degree assault

The Third says: I committed 1st degree possession of drugs

The Fourth man simply says: Arson

The Second man asks him: What degree was it?

The Fourth man responds: I'm not sure, it was pretty hot though. About 525 Celsius-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsectNation1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Pun-ishing rant to those who think puns aren't funny, for them to use as an example.

I wanna punt all the spunky diction pundits, that attempt to expunge the joy from punsters, right in their puny footballs. They're punks who attempt to puncture holes in our word play, finding it punitive to their, self described, punticulously crafted humor. The pungent smell of their looming punishment is in the air . Now is the punctual time to place the punctuation on this punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickToThaDiculous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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What do you call someone who is kind of from turkey

Turk-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cytuit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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What’s a shark’s favorite meal?

Fish & Ships

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daily_Vinyl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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What do you call a vegetable that is almost amazing?

Rad-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Which vegetable is only slightly awesome?

A rad-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1nstrument
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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OP's "pun-ishing" replies to top comments reddit.com/r/askreddit/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schlickyschloppy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
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Swedish Fish

They aren't sweet, just sweet-ish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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What do girls say when they get pregnant

You've got to be kidding me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olt44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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What did the cucumber say when he was soaking in vinegar?

Stop it! I’m pickle-ish

From my 5yo niece and 6yo daughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/azmt45
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Have you heard about the guy who got in trouble for making a pun at school?

He was Pun-ished

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taha812
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What is Roger Federer’s favorite time of day?

About Ten-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/indebut96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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If you were a child when "Red Red Wine" came out....

UB40 'ish now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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The easiest language to learn is Engl.

Because I already speak Engl-ish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stanoje0000
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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My grandfather used to wake up very early every morning to go sailing.

When I asked him why so early, he replied with "the schooner, the better!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/armlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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How do you reprimand someone who won't stop making wordplay jokes?

You pun-ish them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asterisk49
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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People say I'm not quite a fool

I'm fool-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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When something's kinda rad, but not too rad:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VioletteRose29
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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my right arm hurts like crazy, but only between 9 a.m. & 11 a.m.

worst case of ten-ish elbow ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobthewriter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Why didn't the lamb want to play with their friends?

He was a little sheep-ish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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When my father left to buy cigarettes ten years ago, he forgot to put on his size 14 boots, and I'm keeping them because of the sentimental value.

That's why I'm still carrying around these huge daddy-shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djknutbanan
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-ish Presley

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πŸ‘€︎ u/air28uk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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My boyfriend hate puns, so when he missbehaves

I pun-ish him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlankenSonja
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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If a guy moves to a country because it's flag is big plus, but does not become a citizen of said country,

Does that make him Swede-ish?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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British people be like: I'm bri ish

I guess they drank the t

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NGBNM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Why do they call it a "van?"

Because they make people vanish. NOW GET INSIDE!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadPunsAreBadPuns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What do you call a dad joke that is not a dad joke??

A joke.

My 9 year old came up with this and we thought you would like it. Let me know what you think.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnorkelJohn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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