Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
Tennish
...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.
Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. “What IS that?” “That’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.
Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.
The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, “That’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.
The spaghetto.
Boing
The Times are rough.
They send electricity through your nerves to see the response time. I was shocked to find out I have carpel tunnel syndrome.
He was cap-sized.
h
If they flew over the bay they would be baygulls.
It was a hard drive.
You’d think it’d be meow.
"Of coarse I do," I replied.
I only wanted to rough him up a bit.
He really whiffed hard.
A little constipation here and there, but the hard part is over.
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
But in medieval times people were called Lance a lot.
You’d think they’d be meow
crying his eyes out. I said to my mum "what's up with him?"
She said "he's just going through a rough patch".
Because it's a little rough
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
But I think it's OK
You could call it a rough neighborhood
It was rough.
Just as a matter of interest will Electricians be "self isolating" under the "current" situation and staying at "Ohm" ?
Peepee
(Rough one but I just used it on my kids and they laughed)
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
She said she didn't know, so I said roughly.
So in a deep voice she said "I DON'T KNOOOOW"
And I'm not a mourning person.
You can tell they're really going through it.
Butt fuck it.
I took it for granite.
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
So my girlfriend and I are both in college and I'm at her dorm waiting for her to get ready for class. She takes off her glasses and starts looking through her drawer when she says "Aw why did I do this to myself? I ran out of contacts"
I go "Babe, if it's more friends that you need, we can go out tonight and meet new people"
After the usual eye roll she goes "No I wanna see"
To which I reply, "Why would you want a C? I'm shooting for at least a B or an A in all of my classes"
That was probably the heaviest sigh I've ever heard from her
But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
There aren't any pachydermatologists.
The 'Times' are rough
The times are rough
