Insisting Puns

Sounds like a stretch to me.

I said "NO! IT MUST BE A TYPE-O"

I think that’s a stretch.

But sometimes, it’s really hard without her.

She called me a massage-anist.

I pointed out the holes in his arguments.

I said, “No, but a pen is.”

In all fairness, he did invent the eye-phone with Jonny Eyeves.

And face-time.

... and as you can see, they were Wright

I told her she would roux the day.

But I bought him loafers instead.

I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans

Edit: there->their

Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!

A refuse-nik!

He has a lot experience working remote

Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.

But I don’t know... I still say there’s something fishy about him.

The frame was remarkable

...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.

To minimise casual tees

Suture self.

How else am I going to keep my stories straight.

She said no, just above the knees.

He really keeps me on my toes.

He was in de-nile

I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book will lecture me.

But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!

Sometimes I think she takes me for granite.

I just don’t see it.

I told her she is my favorite ding-dong.

So I yelled back "Then how did your foot get in there!"

But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "¡Eso sí que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

He says “My campfires are better, man.”

He felt it was a real tripping hazard.

Down south in the backwoods. Along my way I met a friendly family that took me in for the night. Despite being impoverished they insisted that I stay the night and have dinner.

When we had dinner it seemed they were serving a kind of stew. Quite aromatic. I asked them what it was and the reply I got was “It’s Ma’s Soup Y’all.” I shrugged my shoulders and started to eat. The food was good of course but the meat was quite gamey. So I asked what type of meat it was?

‘Possum.

But my only way to work is broken down, and I just can't bring myself to tell him.

Working at an ice cream parlor there was a customer that insisted I serve him chocolate ice cream even though we were out of it. He just wouldn’t give up. So I said “let’s play a game”. How many “vans” are in vanilla ice cream? -he said “one”(correct) So how many “straws” are in strawberry ice cream? He said “one” again (correct) So then how many “ F’s” are in chocolate ice cream? He said there is no “F” in chocolate ice cream - I said “Exactly- THERE IS NO F IN CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!!!

I've two bulls who just love to fight //
they simply cannot be polite //
Just one needs to breed //
and so I'll proceed //
to castrate the weak one tonight

The procedure is safe, I insist //
if we make the blood flow desist //
to make bleeding halt //
do the "ball somersault" //
and give that whole sack a huge twist

To do this requires no skill //
I'll just need a quite large power-drill //
and a specialized clamp //
to hold on to that champ //
then turn it on fast- what a thrill!

It is clear this device should appeal //
to those who need bulls with less zeal //
I shall name this device //
with a drill and a vise //
the most perfect of names: "Steering Wheel!"

They will both insist that you “pick a cod”

So thats a turnip for the books.

Nobody expects the spanish intro mission

As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.

As he died he kept on insisting for us to “be positive”, but it’s hard without him.

Suture self.

As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.