A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
... and as you can see, they were Wright
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing his own incision?
My wife insisted on pouring flour into the melted butter.
I told her she would roux the day.
My lazy son insisted that I buy him a pair of $200 sneakers.
But I bought him loafers instead.
My wife insisted she has nudist genes
I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans
Edit: there->their
Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!
My female cat just got fixed, but the vet insisted on referring to it as "feline ovarian removal".
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
I went to the museum and saw a painting of a criminal, who claimed his innocence and insisted the police planted evidence.
The doctor insisted I take a milk bath, so I asked her if it need to be pasteurized...
She said no, just above the knees.
My wife insisted that I read “Pride and Prejudice”, but I said no.
I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book will lecture me.
Today I insisted that my son had a hole in his shoe. He didn't believe me and kept looking and looking, took it off and inspect it. He yelled "There is no hole in there at all!"
So I yelled back "Then how did your foot get in there!"
Even though I insisted there was no need for repatriation, my neighbour has just brought round a root vegetable in exchange for the reading material I gave them.
So thats a turnip for the books.
Everyone insisted it isn't possible.
I was about to stitch up her wound but she insisted she do it herself.
"Fine," i said. "Suture self."
Did you hear about the scandal-plagued politician who insisted on taking the elevator?
My friend glued both his hands to his pistols. Everyone told him it was a bad idea, but he insisted they were all wrong.
He's sticking to his guns.
Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...
...he was forced to take out a restraining order.
My wife recently insisted that I get over my obsession with blankets and towels...
... she said I'm just way too wrapped up in them!
A man with a chicken takes a cab to the airport. Upon arrival, the cabbie insisted on taking the chicken as payment for the ride.
My son insisted his nails were already cut and I didn't have to trim them. I asked if I could just double-check his hand.
http://i.imgur.com/bAuV8Nh.png
What did the teenager order at the sushi restaurant when her dad insisted on being chaperone on her date?
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath....
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis
When furniture shopping, I insisted that we buy a couch and lounge chair separately. We can’t risk getting...
sectionally transmitted diseases!
My grandpa always insisted on doing a thorough bug check when we visited his cabin
He was very per-tick-ular about it
At first, the buffalo father insisted his boy was only going through a graze ...
... but eventually realized he loved and accepted his bison.
My girlfriend found out today she was using the less common spelling for describing an outgoing person, but insisted she would keep using it anyways.
I told her it was nothing but an extra version.
My 6 year old insisted I tell him a new joke before he would go to bed. He'd heard all my old ones, so I had to think quickly. I was quite happy with my, close to instant, response
Q: Where do tomatoes come from?
A: The tomato source!
(source / sauce! Geddit!)
I was with my dad and he insisted he was batman
He said: "I'm batman, hear me roar!" and proceeded to screech like a bat.
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?
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