Today I saw a prison guard berating a dwarf inmate who was trying to escape by climbing down a drainpipe.

I thought it was a little condescending.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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If you have an inmate...

And that inmate is in an elevator... And the elevator is going down... Is it condescending?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/te_ka
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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What do you call it when an inmate takes his own mugshot?

As cell-phie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.

That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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A warden implemented a policy to only allow medical assistance to inmates that previously cooperated

They called it "Snitches get stitches"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherHoboBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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How did the inmate call his family?

On his cell phone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigEZK01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Inmates seem happiest when sleeping in canvas camp shelters...

They're con-tented at least.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Did you hear about the inmate that stuttered?

He never finished his sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harryassburger-il
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Which is heavier, the collected works of Shakespeare or a prison full of inmates?

The prose outweighs the cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ukuleleemusic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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What did the researchers have to do before they could compare the BMIs of inmates to professional bodybuilders?

First, they had to weigh the pros and cons.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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What do you use to call an inmate?

Their cellphone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi-Im-new-at-this
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Why didn't the inmate understand his wife's message?

She didn't give any context.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-jedi-ninja
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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I had to quit teaching inmates to sing.

Those jailbirds were always behind a few bars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Socratio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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What did the deathrow inmate dad call his last supper?

Ciao time...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pirateking1000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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They called this one inmate in prison Superman

Yeah, you can say with all the time he was doing for burglary and larceny, that he was the "man of steal."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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If inmates fall in love, do they finish each other's sentences?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eccekevin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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Why did the inmate keep smuggling in Indian food for corrections officers?

He wanted to curry favor with the guards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mstrchapl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates…

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.

But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused.

He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Did you hear about the anthology of literature written by prison inmates?

It's called Prose and Cons.

Sorry. I'll just get me coat...

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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Did you hear about the female inmate?

She had her period at the end of her sentence.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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If inmates were in charge of taking their own mugshots

Would they be called cellfies?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trenton00
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Why was the jailer sad his inmates were all released?

He had Post-Pardon Depression.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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What do they call diseased prison inmates in Ireland?

Leper cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abacus_porkrind
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
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See the headline about the insane inmate that escaped and attempted rape?

"Nut bolts and screws."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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You guys hear about the two inmates who grew quite fond of each other?

It was just two cell mates who felon love

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePootKnocker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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My co-worker wondered out loud why the super nice prison inmates that run our print ship are in jail.

I said, "maybe they killed someone with kindness!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnyLawless
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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Inmate uses last words to dadjoke executioners

http://crime.about.com/od/history/qt/lastwords_appel.htm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhjohnston007
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
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How do prison inmates say thanks to each other?

By saying "Shank you very much!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShlinkyEsquire
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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