Independence Day Puns

Cuz freedom rings!!

Happy Fourth of July guys!

Dad: "What did Will do?"

So they're all flying to attack the spaceship and they all yell "FIRE AT WILL!"

So I say "What the hell did Will ever do to anyone?!"

My wife just rolled her eyes but I can't stop laughing.

When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.

Will Smith's property (150 acres) is larger than Vatican City (110 acres). Therefore, if he were to do so, it would not be the smallest country.

That day would be known as independence day.

The country would be a Fresh Principality.

My dad: Can't she hold it in? It's Independence Day not Labor Day!

I guess that’s why they call it Independence Day

Independence day old pizza

“I’m married to an incredible woman 40 years my junior who likes to make love three times a day. She is the best homemaker and conversationalist and she is independently wealthy. We have the greatest life”.

“That sounds wonderful” I said “Why are you crying?”

“I can’t remember where we live!” he wailed.

He got the paperwork on the 2nd and waited to sign until the 4th because it's "Independence day"

I clipped a picture of him and put it inside. I told him how proud I am because from this day forward he is independent.

My wife is making "Emerald Salad" for the Independence Day party we are attending. Crusing down the aisles, looking for ingredients...she asks, "Are there nuts in this aisle?" I step in front of her and lock eyes..."Yes, Yes there are nuts in this aisle."

I was working on the 4th of July. Guy comes in. Orders a burger with a side of French fries. We were out of fries so he decides to order a side soup: French onion. I ring in the order and he goes outside to wait, there were a few other customers out there smoking.

The chef calls the front desk to let me know that we were also out of French onion. It was late at night so this happens occasionally.

I go outside to let him know we were out, so that he can order something else. The other costumers smoking overhear me telling him that "We are out of French onion soup". The guy smoking says "man, you guys are out of French fries too what the heck?"

I chime in "well it is Independence Day."

They all laughed, and the guy ordered the lobster bisk. I high fived myself on the way back to the stand.

Sorry for the lengthy post.

Yesterday, my boss came in and mentioned that our team in India (with whom I work with quite a bit) would not be working tomorrow. I asked him why and he said, "Well, it's the Indian Independence Day..." then with a glint in his eye he said,

"India-pendence Day"

So I was having a late dinner with my roommate on the last day of our reading break, and we ended up on the topic of historical literacy. This is what followed:

RM: "When was the Declaration of Independence signed?"

Me: "1776."

RM: "Yeah, but specifically what was it signed on?"

Me: "Uh, The Fourth of July?"

RM: "No, it was signed on paper."

Needless to say, I double-facepalmed and finished my shake with that weird feeling you get after such a joke.

A few years ago, there was a series of murders that seemed completely independent from one another, aside from two similarities. Each of the victims had received an e-mail the day prior that was typed in all caps, and contained a joke, with the punchline being a play on words. The victims also all had felony convictions. In light of the second fact, many people felt that the murderers were doing a service to the public. Many others disagreed, however, and those against the murders all rallied under the same slogan: End Capital Punishment.