If /puns were to host a fence building party according to the rules...
(This is more parody/satire than a pun, but I tried to make sure it had puns.)
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No more than half the people attending can wear trucker hats.
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The fences must be measured and spaced using meters. It doesn't matter if you're putting them in someone's yard.
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If you pull up a fence post, you cannot reuse it. In fact, you cannot use recycled posts from other people's yards.
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Don't keep up with the Jones'. But if you can't avoid this, make sure you give the Jones' the credit due for coming up with it first.
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You can bring lunch as sort of a potluck affair, but do not bring canned meat products from Hormel.
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If you bring a fence post, it must look like a fence post. If it might be confused with something else, make sure the box or protective wrapping calls it a fence post.
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When announcing the event, you are not allowed to make references to punch or people getting in line for punch. Just like Fight Club...
For now, we have no rule about promoting one stock car event over another as you work, or discussing other controversial matters. That won't change as long as you don't abuse this. Please keep your fence posts in good taste and suitable for all audiences. But if you do bring risque fence posts, make sure to cover them with a shroud labeled adult only, and I won't pull them up, provided the other rules are followed.
If life gives you melons...
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......
"Ah still love Vista Baby....."
My wife asked if our kids were spoiled.
I said, “No, I think most kids smell that way.”
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
If Chewie is short for Chewbacca, and Ben is short for Obi Wan, what is Luke short for?
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
If you spell the words “Absolutely Nothing” backwards, you get “Gnihton Yletulosba,” which ironically means...
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.
She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
So, if Ani is short for Anikan, and Ben is short for Obi-Wan, and Fives is short for CT-27-5555, and Artoo is short for R2D2, and Chewy is short for Chewbacca, what is Luke short for?
My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl.
I said no I didn’t know he could.
I went to the local video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever
They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow
If FedEx and UPS merged, the employees would be
My Wife said she would leave me if I didn’t stop singing songs by the Monkees, I thought she was joking
So what if I can't spell apocalipse"?
It's not like it's the end of the world.
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
If killing a man is homicide
is killing a friend homiecide
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
If April showers bring May flowers, What do May flowers bring?
If you're here for the yodelling lesson...
please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.
Not sure if any bunnies were involved...
What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?
There would be mass confusion
My girlfriend said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
My wife asked me if I could sing all the songs from the Shrek soundtrack. I said "No, just some."
"... BODY once told me..."
If the Earth is the third planet from the Sun...
...does that mean that every country is a third-world country?
If someone created a capacitor Hall of Fame,
Would the guy who welcomes new members still be called an inductor?
I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she was still alive today?
Probably scratching the inside of her coffin.....
If you're born on Earth Day,
then it's your B-Earth-Day
(Note: Yes, I'm born on Earth Day and hence am posting this.)
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
If you come to a line of cats, why do you have to pay to cross it?
Because it's a feline.
My family doesn't appreciate my humor.
If apple made a car
Would it still have windows?
If at first you don't succeed..
.. skydiving is not for you
If Watson isn't the most famous doctor in the world...
If you were 8 years old when "Red, Red Wine" was released
If Shrek were attracted to men and women, he’d be bishrexual.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men that means she's a slut. But what does that make a man if he does it?
If you couldn't celebrate 4/20 yesterday, you can celebrate it tomorrow instead.
What happens if you put your hand in the blender?
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
My wife asked if our kids were spoiled.
I said, “I think most kids smell that way!”
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