If /puns were to host a fence building party according to the rules...
(This is more parody/satire than a pun, but I tried to make sure it had puns.)
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No more than half the people attending can wear trucker hats.
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The fences must be measured and spaced using meters. It doesn't matter if you're putting them in someone's yard.
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If you pull up a fence post, you cannot reuse it. In fact, you cannot use recycled posts from other people's yards.
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Don't keep up with the Jones'. But if you can't avoid this, make sure you give the Jones' the credit due for coming up with it first.
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You can bring lunch as sort of a potluck affair, but do not bring canned meat products from Hormel.
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If you bring a fence post, it must look like a fence post. If it might be confused with something else, make sure the box or protective wrapping calls it a fence post.
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When announcing the event, you are not allowed to make references to punch or people getting in line for punch. Just like Fight Club...
For now, we have no rule about promoting one stock car event over another as you work, or discussing other controversial matters. That won't change as long as you don't abuse this. Please keep your fence posts in good taste and suitable for all audiences. But if you do bring risque fence posts, make sure to cover them with a shroud labeled adult only, and I won't pull them up, provided the other rules are followed.
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οΈ Apr 03 2018
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
ποΈ 3k
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οΈ Mar 12 2021
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
ποΈ 6k
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οΈ Mar 08 2021
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
ποΈ 10k
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οΈ Mar 02 2021
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
ποΈ 11k
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οΈ Feb 23 2021
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
ποΈ 11k
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οΈ Feb 14 2021
If you spell the words βAbsolutely Nothingβ backwards, you get βGnihton Yletulosba,β which ironically means...
ποΈ 13k
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οΈ Feb 15 2021
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, whatβs on the outside?
ποΈ 888
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οΈ Mar 14 2021
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.
She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".
ποΈ 9k
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οΈ Feb 19 2021
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
ποΈ 12k
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οΈ Jan 28 2021
My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl.
I said no I didnβt know he could.
ποΈ 10k
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οΈ Feb 09 2021
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
ποΈ 505
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οΈ Mar 12 2021
What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?
There would be mass confusion
ποΈ 938
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οΈ Feb 16 2021
I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
ποΈ 10k
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οΈ Jan 16 2021
What happens if you put your hand in the blender?
ποΈ 158
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οΈ Mar 11 2021
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
ποΈ 12k
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οΈ Jan 12 2021
A Covid test nurse asked me if I've had a sudden loss of taste.
I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."
ποΈ 426
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οΈ Mar 04 2021
Why should you never go for a jog if it is raining cats and dogs outside?
You might step in a poodle!
(from my 70 year old uncle)
ποΈ 188
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οΈ Mar 11 2021
If you have the soldiers named Salt and Pepper in your squad then consider yourself lucky.
They're seasoned veterans
ποΈ 275
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οΈ Feb 26 2021
If two vegans get in an argument
Can you still call it a beef?
ποΈ 39
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οΈ Mar 12 2021
This post might be a little ballsy. And if it gets a lot of attention, I might get cocky.
ποΈ 37
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οΈ Mar 04 2021
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
ποΈ 1k
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οΈ Feb 02 2021
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling π³ '
Thank you for the awards
ποΈ 10k
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οΈ Dec 17 2020
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
βI play a little guitar!"
ποΈ 9k
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οΈ Dec 15 2020
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
ποΈ 10k
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οΈ Dec 28 2020
I admit itβs a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
ποΈ 67
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οΈ Feb 12 2021
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Batman Forever on Netflix.
I said, βNo, only for the next couple of hours.β
ποΈ 7k
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οΈ Dec 31 2020
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
ποΈ 17k
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οΈ Nov 16 2020
LPT: If you are trying to stay in a hotel thatβs completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is βimprovementβ.
Because thereβs always room for improvement.
ποΈ 363
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οΈ Feb 27 2021
If I had 50 cents for every maths Exam I failed
ποΈ 13k
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οΈ Nov 29 2020
I asked my dad if I was adopted
ποΈ 86
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οΈ Mar 14 2021
From r/askreddit's thread "If your sex life was a country, what country would it be and why?"
ποΈ 3k
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οΈ Dec 30 2020
If you are thinking of settling down, hereβs some advice: Donβt date soccer players.
Thereβs only a 1/11 chance that theyβre a keeper.
ποΈ 58
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οΈ Mar 06 2021
If a Tesla drifts...
Would that be considered an electric slide?
ποΈ 61
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οΈ Mar 04 2021
As a chemistry teacher, someone asked me during one of my labs if I look at memes.
βPeriodically,β I said
ποΈ 42
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οΈ Mar 13 2021
My girlfriend says if we donβt get married soon, sheβs gonna kill me.
...itβs a matter of wife or death.
ποΈ 541
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οΈ Jan 26 2021
If you commit 90 sins, you will only get caught half the time.
ποΈ 83
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οΈ Mar 07 2021
If April showers bring may flowers what do may flowers bring?
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Mar 09 2021
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
ποΈ 17k
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οΈ Nov 05 2020
If a bunch of people simp for someone....
....do they become a simphony?
ποΈ 51
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οΈ Feb 24 2021
I finally found a genie in a bottle! So I asked if it would be possible to change French positives to Spanish...
He replied, "oui shall sΓ."
ποΈ 90
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οΈ Mar 05 2021
If a midget smoked weed...
....does he get high or medium ?
ποΈ 12
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οΈ Mar 13 2021
If you don't pay your exorcist....
ποΈ 31
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οΈ Mar 07 2021
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Mar 14 2021
If you go to jail for tax evasion....
....aren't you basically living of taxes, for not paying taxes?
ποΈ 24
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οΈ Mar 06 2021
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...
it would be a fully automatic machine pun.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Mar 12 2021
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
ποΈ 654
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οΈ Jan 10 2021
If a clock you ordered arrived in the mail,
That means your time is here
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Mar 08 2021
If a lawyer gets a hip replacement surgery, do they call the procedure a rebuttal?
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Feb 18 2021
What should you do if you see a space man?
ποΈ 17
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οΈ Mar 12 2021
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