My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**
You want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
Who wrote the song: "All I want for exile, is you"
My 10 year old son said, “Hey Dad, do you know why I want to shoot a hog?”
“So we can have hamburgers!”
He was serious but it still cracked me up.
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
This has been a crazy year. After everything that has happened though do you want to know the one thing that I can’t get over ?
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
“You need a baby gate? Alright, I got one white one and two blacks, which do you want?”
“Dad, you can’t say ‘blacks’ someone might take offense!”
“...It’s not a fence, it’s a gate.”
Not his best thanksgiving day dad joke, but definitely not expected in the moment 😂
When debating letters, you always want "i" and "j" on your team.
They always have a point.
Do you know why I want to perform a song for you?
It would be the “I sing on my cake” day.
Do you want to know how I got out of Iraq?
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind it’s a sea-crate....
(I made this up please don’t murder me)
A beautiful woman approached him at the bar saying "I will do anything you want for $200" - He stammered...
I want to tell you all about a girl that only ate plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
I know you want to see the show
For all you folks living with diabetes... (My daughter and I both have type 1.) Here’s the joke — What do you say when the waitress at the Mexican restaurant asks you if you want sauce with your carne asada?
After I bought my dad his retirement condo, I asked him, “What do you want to do with it?”
He said, “I just...want to live in the present.”
I don't want you knowing what my favourite Narnia movie is
Because it's Narnia business
You know what superhero I really want to see more in movies?
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman.”
He said, “Thanks dad, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it, I just want you...
Just PowerPoint me in the direction you want to go and I will Excel at getting us there.
I want to share a Russian pun with you all
but if no one likes it and it gets down-voted then so-v-iet
I can tell you a joke about a fish if you want
Do you want to why I get along well with short people?
It’s because they look up to me.
I want to create a birth control pill that you take just before sex. The pill could even be mint flavored.
I’ll call them pre dick a-mints
Do you want to know why I love this floor?
It's always been so supportive.
If you want, I can draw you, but you’ll have to sit still.
I asked my 5 year old daughter to sit on a bench “so I could draw you.” She was not impressed with my drawing, after a nearly 5 minute wait. https://imgur.com/a/IMOR4q5
Do you know why I want a short girlfriend?
She's low maintenance and doesn't have high standards.
I want to tell you a pizza joke,
"What do you want for your birthday?" I asked my son.
He said, "I want a gaming mouse, dad."
"That might be tricky," I told him.
"Why?" he asked.
I said, "Well, I'm not sure rodents like video games."
Downvote if you want, I don't carrot all
This morning at breakfast... Me: do you want this with honey? Son: No, I want it without honey
Speaking to a friend: "My mother once told me, 'if you want to go further on your journey, you have to take that next step, no matter how daunting'." My friend piped up, "Don't you mean farther?" To which I replied:
"No, I'm fairly certain it was my mother."
Credit to B.C. (comic strip), most likely paraphrased since I read it many a moon ago, though I'm fairly certain the punchline is very close to the original.
I want to tell you a joke about small intestine
Why did I want to be an editor, you ask?
Well, to cut a long story short.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
Do you want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Do you want to know how I got out of Iraq?
I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
I want to tell you all about this girl who only eats plants...
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
So you want to know how I got out of Iraq ?
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman!”
He replied, “Thanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
