Absent Puns

So today, a subreddit.

Whoops wrong sub

It was one hell of a barbecue.

Teacher: Yeah, go home and practice your mascara.

Paren't

My wife sent some birthday presents by mail to her sister's kids and they got lost in the post. My 8yo asked, "What was the present?"

I said, "It isn't present any more because it is absent!"

I won an eye roll from my wife and a smile from my 8yo.

But I can only speculate because he was an absent-tea father.

I absent mindedly let her kiss me this evening, so I went and washed my lips and swished some whiskey for good measure. I know its only 35% alcohol, but I figured it was worth a shot

And while I was waiting, I was standing on the front lawn beside the car absent-mindedly swinging a golf club (to test my sore shoulder). Daughter starts freaking out because she thinks I'm not coming. My wife tells her not to worry, Daddy's driving. And I told her "actually, it's a wedge."

We agreed to paint our chests to read "FOOTBALL" as we sat in the stands. But two of my pals, the first and second "O", didn't show up. And our team lost! I really should've expected that outcome. My absent friends were the bad o-men.

A lady at church said she was absent last week because she was under the weather. I turn to my wife and say,

"Aren't we all?"

Groans ensued.

"You mean they're absent?"

So instead, a subreddit.

So instead, a subreddit.