When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
Me: That makes two of us.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
A reboot.
Just 5 minutes more.
I live across from a lake and some fisherman found a severed human nose. The detective on the case asked if I know who it belongs to. I replied, "no body nose."
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I would name it hooman, so people could ask are we hooman or are we denser?
I wanted to become a fun guy.
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
He was fired recently.
But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.
Two feet.
It’s pretty long. It comes in 46 parts. Also, everyone tells the joke differently, but usually family members tell pretty much the same joke.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
Sufferware
The money is good.
I'm on knights this week.
Humerus.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
It's hard to drive when too many of them get piled up on the roads.
You can legally put down one
We didn’t have Oleg to stand on.
The Sausages.
He said "I'm sick of you all"
It's true! When was the last time you ate a bird?
Hopefully, all of them.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
Anything that they don't want to sit or lay down for
Because they don't like beef.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
"Just 5 minutes more "
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
