Red houses are made of red bricks, blue houses are made of blue bricks, what are green houses made of?
There were clucking sounds coming from our hen house today, but the last chicken died in there two summers ago
I think that it's a poultrygeist.
just moved to my first house & was trying to figure out a name for my new roomba… everybody meet Lightning McClean 🏎️, my speedy little racer buddy
[mashup] Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the moron's house. Knock-knock: (Who's there?)
I needed an exorcism for my house but I couldn't pay
So my house was repossessed
If you ever get locked out your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
how does a polar bear build a house?
A new species of deer has recently been discovered that is capable of jumping higher than the average house.
This is due to the fact that the average house can't jump.
Just had a super fancy air conditioner installed in my house
If I’m being totally honest it’s pretty cool
What do you call a girl on a house?
Ruth.
What do you call a boy with a shovel? Doug
What do you call a boy without a shovel?
Douglass
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
A storm came by and blew a quarter of my roof off of my house
My wife told me she saw a lot of deer in the cemetery by our house
I told her to be respectful as they were mourning the loss of a dear deer friend.
I informed my family that someone in the house was secretly an owl in disguise and our oldest daughter asked, "Who?"
Honestly, never suspected her.
It finally happened!! We're in Nanjing zoo and in the reptile house. My wife asked me the difference between an alligator and the crocodile....to which I replied:
"one will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while!"
A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes.
He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
The police showed up at my house one night while I was practicing my trumpet. Said they were investigating a homicide.
They said they had a report that somebody named Miles Davis was being murdered in my house.
The White House has suddenly turned into such a polite place.
Everyone is going around saying, "Pardon me."
Eventually I’ll replace the broken glass in our house.
So the police just accused my daughter of lighting our house on fire
Little do they know it was actually arson
My wife said that Kevin McCarthy is now the speaker of the house, but I don’t understand how that’s possible.
We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great...
but the second floor is another story.
My neighbor says he can power his house with a bicycle.
I think he’s just pedaling nonsense.
Someone broke into my house and stole 20%of my couch.
Having a fish tank in your house actual helps with stress
We were at my uncles house yesterday when we saw the news came on about the Chinese spy balloon. My cousin asked how did they know it was China.
Without skipping a beat my uncle said cause the tag says made in China
You can hear china spying on you from different walls in your house. Listen closely, it goes...
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
I found a communist spy in my house the other day.
He was hiding in the Lenin closet.
I have two unwritten rules in my house!
1._________.
2._________.
I’m crying because my girlfriend left me and she always kept the house spotless
I was invited to a wealthy French person's house recently, and he was showing me his yacht collection at his private marina.
As we walked down the quay, this person was telling me "Ah oui, zis is yacht numero un, zis is numero deux, trois, zis is quatre, six, numero sept.."
I stopped him, and I told him, "What happened to number five?"
He said, "Ah oui, that's cinq"
I'm hoping to install plumbing fixtures in my house by myself.
For now, though, it's only a pipe dream.
What is the fear of houses?
When Billy Joel's house burned down, the fire marshal blamed a faulty gaming console...
However, Mr Joel remains steadfast that Wii didn't start the fire.
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 30 minute walk back
The difference is staggering
Why couldn't Chewbacca find a house to buy?
He was looking in Alderaan places.
Wookie mistake!
Did you hear about the weightlifter who got kicked out of his house ? Did you hear about the weightlifter who got kicked out of his house ?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
