I've been living here for 274 years and seen nothing strange.
I had to warn him that I had a chicken pro-Russian separatist in the freezer.
I'm like, "Well see, we shoulda gotten female-order chickens instead, that's our problem right there. We're lucky the rest didn't turn out to be roosters too!"
This was an honest-to-god real conversation I just had with my housemate earlier tonight. :)
I didn't even know it was on fire.
To annoy a female housemate we were flicking bits of sweetcorn at her hair. In response, she escalated the game and threw an orange into my face.
The only way i got through the ordeal was because of what another of my housemates said next. After a long silence, as im holding my face he says "..hell hath no fury like a woman corned".
' I was considering buying a new matress. The salesman was pushing quite hard for the sale, but I was unsure so I said to him "I'm not sure still, I'll have to sleep on it" '
I feel the dad brewing inside me!
One of my housemates said he thought a hedgehog would make a cool pet, I replied "Nah, you don't want a hedgehog, they're all pricks."
We were watching a film in which nuns wore that full on nun outfit, I argued that almost no nuns wear all of that and is over represented in the movies.
He said to me "I think they probably still wear it all, it's hard to give up an old habit".
I live with 3 other guys, and we all got home within 15 minutes or so earlier today, with me getting home first. I live on the second floor of a house, and the entrance is on the first.
Housemate 1 is standing outside the door to my room talking to me when housemate 2 gets home. Housemate 2 asks (up the stairs) what housemate 1 is up to.
Me: "The second floor."
Because I like Ramen a lot more than Ra-women.
I got a much deserved look and groan for that one.
Me: I thought it was rather humorous
Him: Personally, I found it quite tibial
We were at our respective work places:
Housemate1: "Traffic is going to suck going home"
Me: "Yeah it's snowing here"
Housemate2: "Sleet atm here, it sucks"
Me: "I use Capital One's ATM, works better"
My housemate was talking about her upcoming trip to Puerto Rico and saying that she had to transfer flights in San Juan.
"But why would you continue after San Juan?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what they say, when you've San Juan, you've seen 'em all!" Chuckles to self for the next five minutes
Him: "There are thousands of people in London tonight..." Me: "Cool, why?" Him: "They live there."
My family and I attended a dinner this evening with my sister's housemates and all of their families - the first time everyone was meeting. As we all browse the menu someone makes the comment that that they didn't like the duck at this restaurant and my father immediately had to chime in.
Dad: You're completely right, it's not all its quacked up to be.
Thanks Dad.
My housemate: Do they have brakes?
Me: No, because then somebody would have to remember whereabouts on the track all the cyclists were while they got a bottle of water and a snack.
My housemate: ugh.
I'm not even five minutes through the door...
Housemate: "What you thinking for dinner tonight?" Me: "I feel like pizza." Housemate: "That's funny, you don't look like pizza."
I feel he's training just in case he finds somebody stupid enough to let him father a child.
I'd announce to my family that "I'm going to take a shower," or "I'm off to swim practice" and my dad would instinctively respond, every single time... "don't get wet." For some reason, it was hilarious to him! And now I say it to my housemates...
My SO was making pico de gallo and having me and our housemates try it, she was asking what we thought it needed.
more lemon? more lime?
tomatoes? cilantro?
I got asked what I think
I don't know, I'm not really a pico de guy yo.
Lying on the sofa and unwilling to move, my housemate wanted me to pass something to her. "Come on," she said, "help a sister out."
"What," I ask, "you mean assist her?"
Get it? Assist her? A sister?
housemate 1. : "I'd love a beagle"
me: "what the space probe?"
Housemate 2. : "sigh* shut up...are they difficult to manage?"
me: "i'd expect so, it took half of NASA to put it on mars"
the response was furrowed brow's and giggles.
Housemate: burps Housemate: Pardon me. Me: You're pardoned.
It's much a reaction now that he regrets saying "pardon me".
Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.
Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.
To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.
*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.
