When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been hinting to my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.

But every time I bring it up, she smoothly changes the topic.

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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I went to a club with friends. There was a huge nordic/viking looking ass bouncer He let us through looking intimidating as fuck but whatever. Dancing and drinking. This chick grinding on me. Getting flirty and introduce herself. Her name is Sky. Drag me to the toilet hinting she wants the D.

Sucks dick like a pro. Doesn't let me cum and wants me to eat her ass.

Suddenly huge bouncer from before barges in and shoves me away with an unrelenting force. Proceed eats out Sky's ass like a boss

Yells "Sky's rim belongs to the nords"

(sorry for long post but friend sent this to me and i have no idea where it goes, could use some help)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_Mark_Is_OP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Sister [hinting that maybe he should roll up the window]: "Aren't you getting chilly?"

Dad: "No, I had a late lunch."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abeannis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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Girlfriend's dad keeps hinting about grandchildren...

Girlfriend: "Do I need antibiotics for this cold?"

Her dad: "Antibiotics for a cold is a common misconception"

...

Her dad: "Like you would be if you gave me grandchildren"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyhodadio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
🚨︎ report
If I could give you a hint about the reading of my will when I die i would.

But it would be a Dead Giveaway

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WikidTechn9cian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?

It was pretty Loki

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogues all over the house.

So, I've taken the hint...

I got her a magazine rack!

πŸ‘︎ 188
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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It seems the latest iPhone hints at the existence of an afterlife.

iPhone Hell Heaven

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/collapsing_sanity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I baked, this time I added a hint of spice (It tastes better than it looks)
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Guess the Visual Pun
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunPics
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Upvote if you get it (hint donkey hole)
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0the
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What is a pirates favorite letter? (hint: it's not R)

Most people think Rrrr but a pirates true love be the C.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigRobWall
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
A friend and I were trading sponge puns... (Hint: I really milked it)
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jank_Tank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A crush hinted that I should bring flowers to our date.

Me: "I'll make arrangements"

Edit: Wow, damn! You guys really liked this one! I aim to please :)

πŸ‘︎ 191
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CourageousBeard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Another Puzzle. (Hint: Anyone looking for a new place?) imgur.com/dFUZ6Qs
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiggidytom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
🚨︎ report
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus start laughing? (Hint: Not 8)

Ten-tickles. :)

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Acer1096xxx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2014
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My stepdad's riddle from last night. Hint: It's a famous piano player.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sew5MittensAgo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
🚨︎ report
What does "kayak" sound like upside down?

"Blblblblblvllgllgl"

πŸ‘︎ 195
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elouan_lrch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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My eyes Buggled out when I saw this post in r/vaxxhappened
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WoodyGoodman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle worked for a newspaper's crossword puzzle team, but only contributed one awesome clue in his career...

He was a one-hint wonder!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently watched a documentary about how ships are put together.

Riveting

πŸ‘︎ 289
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwingWithTheTeam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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When is a hen just following the letter W
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketrhinoceros
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I need help with this riddle

Cant figure it out I do know it's a 2 word answer and it's a pun. The riddle is

Penguins blue, I love you. Penguins bare, sometimes wear. Please find what tops a penguins hair!

Hint: There only are a few of these. There are two words!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tea_baggins69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sick redhead?

Ginger ail

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to cheer my buddy up by inviting him to a poker night after cows broke into his marijuana store and ate all his product, but he couldn’t come.

He said that the steaks were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravenclaw_VIII
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
In Jamaica a pie costs 3 dollars, and in the Bahamas it costs 5 dollars

These are the pie rates of the Caribbeans...

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allthatimafter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Me, to my brother-in-law after my vasectomy:

You know what the biggest difference is between you and me? I'll give you a hint. It's a vast difference.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanOfAllTrades80
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The earth was flat...

Until they buried your mom

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Honeytoast123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
If the government were to pass out free laxatives...

...would that make them enemas of the state?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm upset. I called for a tow truck...

...and they sent a hooker.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I'd ask for assistance from St. Francis...

...but he's a sissy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm itching to see my new friend

Her name is Tinea.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Where does the Bible mention smoking?

Genesis 24:64 -- And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Text exchange with my 70-yo father. He’s still got it.

Me: Heads up, you have a package arriving today with your name on it. You have permission to open it today πŸ˜‰πŸŽ„

Him: Ok. Is the tree a hint or just a christmassy thing? I don’t need a tree🌲

Me: Just a christmassy thing. We didn’t send you a tree.

Him: Great. I wouldn’t want to accuse you of tree, son πŸ€“

Me: Oooof

Him: I was trying to branch out into political humor but it didn’t take root so I guess I’ll leaf it there

Me: You don’t know when to quit, do you?

Him: I wooden know about that

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/idkflycasual
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a Pirates Favorite ....

Dad: what's a Pirates favorite crime?

Me: uh ... ?

Dad: ARRRRson! What's a Pirates favorite type of socks?

Me: I don't know dad.

Dad: ARRRRgyle! What's a Pirates favorite branch of the military?

Me: rolling eyes it's the ARRRRmy.

Dad: acting confused No, it's the Navy. Why on earth would they like the army better?

Hopefully not a repost but I very clearly remember getting caught by this one and stuttering with no response.

πŸ‘︎ 582
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrossCheckPanda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2014
🚨︎ report
It's that time of year that my wife's family divides up holiday hosting duties.

Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner are already spoken for, but Thanksgiving hasn't been discussed yet. Thanksgiving is usually at my father-in-law's, but my stepmother-in-law has previously hinted that she might not want to host anymore.

Wife: "I talked to [stepmother-in-law] today, and she didn't say 'boo' about Thanksgiving."

Me: "Did she say 'gobble gobble'?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfofurn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?

It was pretty Loki.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.

She'll be happy to know I got the hint. I got her a magazine rack!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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