[Credit to u/Vishalbharadwaj21] I have the high ground
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.
They call it mourning wood.
What might you call people who live in the high Arctic?
I once asked a Hawaiian if he had a high pitched laugh.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Stoners are lighter, cause only balloons get high
Each time you light with a lighter, the lighter gets lighter untill the light so light that it will not light
Bernie setting the Sanders high!
They were high-tops
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day.
My dad's cholesterol is so high
That doctors call it chomoretrol
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
Did you hear about that new high-tech shovel?
It was sure groundbreaking!
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high...
This was at my high school
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
This is where getting high everyday will land you.
What do you call a duck that's high on drugs
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
My wife asked me if I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school.
I said, “Yes, but I was part of the control group.”
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Hydrogenated THC oil is a high margarine commodity
Thought y’all might enjoy these illustrated puns I found on the back of my English lit class notes from high school 🙃
A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.
The executioner left him hanging.
My wife told me today, "Look, I've had this since high school and it still fits me."
Me: "Yeah!!! It's a scarf. "
Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.
Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.
My friend asked me if I’ve ever flown high...
I said “Isn’t that how planes work?”
What do ants take to get high?
what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?
I made some of my favourite puns into drawings to go on t shirts that I’ve put online! This one is my favourite ‘High Steaks Poker’
A sinkhole just opened up in our high Street.
The police are looking into it.
Never tried drugs before...but I have high expectations
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
I've got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes.
Don't try to high five an executioner....
They'll leave you hanging.
Why should you never ask a Klan member for a high five?
Because they always leave you hanging.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high.
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