Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him.
On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink.
Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!”
His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink”
He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
Why did the non-binary prospectors head west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
My wife hit me on the head with a bottle of Concentrated Omega-3 capsules this morning.
I'm okay though.....it was just a super fish oil wound.
A person with no head or neck...
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
What's the difference between a gymnast jaguar, and a meth-head mountain lion?
One is an acrobatic cat.
The other is a broke, addict cat.
If you have two heads, that's both an odd and even number
How to tell which end of a worm is the head?
You tickle it. The end that laughs is the head.
Credit: My 7y.o nephew
One meth head asks another, “sooo... are we dating?”
The other responds, “no I thought we were just mething around.”
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
he was lucky it was a soft drink
I've had M.C. Hammer music in my head so much today that's it's giving me a headache. I took 2 Tylenol, but....
A new variant of head lice has appeared and they are resistant to conventional treatments.
This has left scientists scratching their heads l
Yesterday, there was a battle between the Pot Heads and the straight people of society....
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull
I was arrested and charged with battery
Now everyone’s head Shakespeare, but I grew up in a sanitarium so I think the versions got mixed up
I always learned it this way:
“TB or not TB
That is the congestion
Consumption be done about it?
Of cough of cough”
Don't you hate it when a cranberries song gets stuck in your head
In your head in your heeeaaad
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
Did you hear about the dinosaur with an easy to install umbrella on it's head?
Yeah, the Parasol-was-low-fuss
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Went out in rain this morning but got hit on the head with a car part.
It was raining Datsun Cogs.
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.
So I went and got the shingles vaccine.
Why did the CPU head up half an orchestra?
Because it's a semiconductor.
I've lost loads of weight, just by wearing bread around my head...
Did you hear about the girl with bee's in her head?
Yeah, she's got a hive mind now.
We were having breakfast yesterday, and dad suddenly threw a slinky at my head.
He said, “Spring is in the air!”
My friend asked why the stock market is closed this Friday. I looked at him, shook my head and said...
What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?
A hundred dollar bill.
This is my dad's favorite joke.
What high-class car is best for metal-heads?
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head
Went to a new local grocery store called mommas and pappas. I bought a head of lettuce but just couldn't eat it...
Because all the leaves are brown.
Praying mantis puns got me laughing my head off
I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.
My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily, it was a soft drink.
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towel on his head....
Bartender asks what that's all about.
Pirate says "arrrrrgh, I have a bounty on me head"
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