The lift is from a company named Schindler...so itβs Schindlerβs Lift...is this set up as pun on the classic film Schindlerβs List? My head is spinning
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 11 2020
I was going crazy, looking around, trying to figure out who said "heads up"
And that's when it hit me...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.
He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
Girlfriend, my dog and I went hiking today and on the way up the mountain there was a big bee buzzing around my head.
So I said βBee-goneβ and my girlfriend shook her head. Best feeling ever.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
Without a heads up in advance.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
I canβt bake a pun thatβll crack you up because theyβre all scrambled in my head
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 31 2020
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 16 2020
The head of Big Cat Rescue and the female antagonist in the hit Netflix documentary has been arrested after holding up an ice cream shop.
Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 28 2020
Just a heads up.
If you get an email from the department of health saying not to eat tinned pork and ham because it contains COVID, ignore it. It's spam.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
I was queuing up to get into the supermarket yesterday. Dwayne Johnson was in front of me. Behind me was a fish holding the trolley above his head!
I was between The Rock and a hard Plaice
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 10 2019
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, βMaybe thisβll knock some scents into you.β
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 02 2019
Heads up
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 06 2019
Invited my dad to play video games with me. He puts the controller up to the side of his head.
"What are you doing, dad?"
"I'm playing it by ear"
π︎ 19
π
︎ Sep 01 2019
My longhaired friend showed up at my house yesterday with the sides of his head shaved and asked if he should keep it...
I told him to give it a few days and mullet over.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 19 2019
At a pool party I threw a soft rubber ball that ended up bouncing off my friends head, then off my daughters head then out of the pool.
My daughter asked "what was that?"
So I told her, 'that's what you call a double header'
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 22 2019
What did Mr. Potato Head do when his car started acting up?
Nothing, IοΈt was just a spudder.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
Giving my one year old boy a shoulder ride when I lifted him up and put him on my head...
Turned to the wife and said "Do you like what I'm wearing?" (Lulling her into a false sense of security)
She smiles at me, blissfully unaware of my setup and thinking I'm just being cute.
"It's a son-hat." I say with a grin.
The groan she gave me told me I had done well.
π︎ 432
π
︎ Aug 21 2016
Every morning I wake up to find hundreds of flowers without heads sitting on my front door.
I think Iβm being stalked.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 05 2018
I'm sitting in traffic with my dad today when he scoffs, shakes his head, throws up his hand and says "look at THIS clown over here!"
I look over and there is literally a dude in full clown make-up driving a vw bettle next to us. Pop maintained a straight face through the whole thing.
π︎ 321
π
︎ Jan 08 2014
My son recently had a piece of clothing removed from his head after it accidentally went up his nose.
I told him it's good that he's no longer clothesd-minded.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 08 2017
When my boyfriend said this I played it back over in my head a thousand times wishing I had come up with it
::watching Bruce Lee documentary::
"....when we were young, Bruce was scrawny but constantly picking fight that he would always lose..."
Boyfriend: yea, we a, we called him Bruised Lee
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jan 24 2013
My girlfriend should learn to buckle up when she gets in a head on collision with my dadjokes.
My girlfriend was shopping for a new vehicle when she messaged me and said, "I can't find a standard to test drive. It saddens me."
To which I replied, "You mean it sedans you?"
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 29 2014
My 3yr-old scratched up his head pretty badly in a fall the other day. Once he had finished crying he dad-joked "What's my favorite plant?"
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 29 2015
My co worker gave me a heads up as I was leaving about a deer outside the parking lot
I responded with "thanks for bucking up, but I don't think I will have to worry about it doe."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 22 2016
I canβt bake a good pun that will crack you up, theyβre all just scrambled in my head
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
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