Harps Puns

Then he'd say that they're all just big lyres

The other says "What, you callin' me a lyre?!"

The heart strings

"It turns out out that they're typically lyres".

She had to pull a few strings.

It’s a vile inn

...he’s really a big lyre.

She was up, and Adam.

Because he was a Lyre.

The host says, “What are you dressed as?” I tell him, “I’m a harp.” He says, “But your costume is to small to be a harp.” I was incredibly offended, and tell him, “Are you calling me a lyre?!”

My friend claimed he was a harp but I knew he was a lyre.

Raiders of the Lost Harp

Yes, I left my harp in Sam Frank's Disco.

but accordion to a recent study, most people don't notice when you replace words in your sentences with musical instruments.

It was a Lyre

Larry Lobster and Sam Clam were best friends. They did everything together. The only difference between them is that Larry was the nicest Lobster ever and Sam, well lets just say he was not so good. Larry and Sam did so much together that they even died together. Larry went to heaven and Sam went to hell. Larry was doing well in heaven and one day St. Peter came up to him and said, “Larry, you know you are the nicest lobster we ever had up here. Everyone likes you but you seem to be a bit depressed. Tell me what is bothering you, maybe I can help.” Larry said, “Well, don’t get me wrong Pete, I like it up here and everything, but I really miss my good friend Sam Clam. We used to do everything together and I really miss him a lot.” St. Peter looked at Larry with pity and said to him, “I tell you what, I can arrange it so that you can go down to hell tomorrow and visit Sam all day. How would that sound?” This made Larry very happy and he got up bright and early the next morning and grabbed his wings, his harp, and his halo and got in the elevator to hell. When the doors opened he was met by Sam. The hugged each other and they were off. You see in Hell Sam owned a disco. The spent the day there together and had a great time. At the end of the day Larry and Sam went back to the elevator together said their goodbyes and Larry got back in the elevator and went up to heaven. He stepped off the elevator and was greeted by St. Peter who blocked the doorway to heaven. He looked at Larry and said, “Larry Lobster, didn’t you forget something?” Larry looked around and said, “No, I don’t think so I have my halo and my wings.” St. Peter looked at him and said, “Yes, but what about your harp?” Larry gasped and said, “I Left My Harp in Sam Clam’s Disco.”

He was known to be a lyre

She said I have "all the honesty of an ancient Greek harp."

I don't like being called a lyre.

... has made him a lot of lute, but I think he's a lyre, and I wish he'd stop harping on about it.

Another party attendee challenged me, saying "no way is your costume a harp".

I replied, ">!So, are you calling me a lyre?!<"

It was pretty Jarreing.

She was a massive lyre

Because he’s the one pulling the strings.

They're good at pulling strings.

Anything but a Canadian Club.

Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.

My friend said he could play the harp but he clearly can't. He's such a lyre

“Sorry, son. I’m baroque”

Guy 1: What are you dressed as?

Guy 2: I'm a harp

Guy 1: That looks too small for a harp

Guy 2: You calling me a lyre?

It was a harp-C-chord.

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink. Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house. I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
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[edited for spelling. sorry to offend.]

My dad was really quiet for about 20 minutes (usually a sign that he's concocting a pun) and then spouted out this gem:

Two people meet at a costume party

"What did you dress up as?" "I'm a harp!" "Really? It looks a little small to be a harp." "Are calling me a lyre?"

HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldn’t stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. “Tim”, he said, “You have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heaven”. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didn’t know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasn’t surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldn’t be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didn’t want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n

...he’s really a big lyre.

I replied, "Are you calling me a lyre?"

I drove all the way to his house just to find out he's just a big fucking lyre.

They’re big lyres.

Host: What are you?

Me: I'm a harp.

Host: You're costume's a bit too small to be a harp.

Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?

Host: What are you? Me: A harp. Host: Your costume is too small for a harp. Me: Are you calling me a lyre!?

Host: What are you? Me: A Harp Host: Your costume's too small to be a harp Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

Credit to u/IronProdigyOfficial , x-post from r/whitepeopletwitter