I had a guided tour of some cliffs today

the persons name was richard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Here's a step-by-step guide on how to fall down stairs!

Step 28

Step 27

Step 24

Step 21

Step 16

Step 12

Step 7

Step 3

Step 1

πŸ‘︎ 655
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
a little Xmas pun
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonseyzfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Who is the official tour guide for the Vatican?

Cardinal Directions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamesNBooks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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My kid couldn't figure out how to pronounce abominable so I drew a guide
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BarkDocklate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Did you know you can hire a guide to take you through the labyrinth in sixty seconds?

It's a minute tour.

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahare
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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While taking a fall foliage tour through Canada last year, our guide asked us what we thought of their trees.

I told him they look oak-eh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Sherlock Holmes never buys a TV Guide at Christmas.

He knows Watson.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why I can identify with TV Guide?

I used to feel important but now i just have very poor circulation

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JunkCrap247
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Any dog can be a guide dog...

...if you don't care where you're going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
While taking a tour of a college campus, the tour guide mentioned that the school was surrounded by three different cemeteries.

Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?

Me: What?? Why not?

Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lind-zayy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I've just finished writing a book about using stairs...

It's a step by step guide.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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Where does a Himalayan guide buy their clothes?

At the Sherpa Image store!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xeper-Institute
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Step by step guide on how to run..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ladyMariaOfKosm
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sedulas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Blind guy walks into a department store and starts swinging his guide dog in circles over his head.

A shop keeper asks him what he is doing and he replies "Taking a look around."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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A blind man walks into a bar with his guide dog.

Then he starts spinning his leashed dog around himself. The bartender asks him what the Hell is he doing, and the blind man goes:

"Just looking around..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexasha05
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Took my kids to the circus.

They especially enjoyed watching the clowns.

We won a backstage tour after the show, and happened to notice that all the people who were tallying up the tickets and sales were dressed as clowns, and happened to be little people...but none of them had been in the performances. When I asked the tour guide why they were dressed up even though they weren’t in the show, he replied, β€œDon’t you know? It’s the little jesters that count”.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schoonerw
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ask your bartender for a recommendation...

...does that make them your Spirit Guide?

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaleoGamer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Just wrote a book about falling down the stair case

It's a step-by-step guide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Louis_T_252
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The tour guide says...

...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.

Me: That's a Segway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dlveazie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.

It made a good ad visor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I was walking across a lake and suddenly a gator appeard and started guiding me

It was a Navigator

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeniosOfKekistan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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A guide on how to tell dad jokes:

Step 1: walk up to dad Step 2: tell dad a joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomc128
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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If a pun happens and no one is around to hear it, is it a pun at all?

Question in study guide: The term evacuative proctography is also commonly called ____________.

Me studying alone: um, hmm....eeesh..not sure..idk. Oh wait, defacogram!

Also me, silently: can’t believe I just pulled that answer outta my ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seawoo10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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I was on a safari in Africa when one of the tourists asked our guide, β€œIs it difficult to spot cheetahs?”

He said, β€œNo, they usually come that way.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Teacher: Okay class, tell me what scares you most. Let's start with Paul. Paul: Werewolves Nina: Sharks Dylan: The unstoppable march of time that us guiding us all to our inevitable demise.

Catherine: Dylan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh-avi
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Paddy and his wife are on holiday in England visiting Historical Sites.

"This is where the Magna Carta was signed," said the tour guide, "One the most important documents in English History."

"When was it signed?" asked Paddy.

"1215," said the tour guide.

"OH NO!" said Paddy, "We missed it by 10 minutes!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Douglas Adams finished writing the first chapter of A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

He thought, β€œFinally! I put A Dent in that book!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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After looking at the galactic traveller's guide, I was shocked by our solar system's rating.

We only had one star.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyxlor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Dinosaur ages
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A guide on how to fall down the stairs

Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Step by step guide on how to fall down stairs.

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 4:

Step 7:

Step 12:

Step 18:

Step 25:

Hospital

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Step by step guide on how to fall down the stairs.

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 4:

Step 7:

Step 12:

Step 18:

Step 25:

Hospital

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm writing a book about falling down stairs...

It's a step by step guide.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLASHsixx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Here’s a step by step guide for riding an escalator.

Step 1.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way....

I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A guide on how to fall down the stairs:

Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Cosmic_Kitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I've just written a book about falling down a staircase

It's a step by step guide

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How to fall down the stairs, a step by step guide

Step 1. Step2. Step 3. Step 4. Step 5. Step 6. ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patmcheese
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Here’s a simple guide on how to ride an escalator.

Step 1.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Here’s a step by step guide on how to ride an escalator.

Step 1.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Here’s a step by step guide for riding an escalator.

Step 1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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