I considered giving up my honey business and joining a cult
But I'm just not a bee leaver.
Edit: Thank you for the award, friend!!!!
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I can’t think of any more other than pun-ch line
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
I’m giving up being an electrician.
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
I am giving up drinking for a month.
Sorry, that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
i’m giving up masturbating for an entire month
sorry, poor punctuation.
i’m giving up! masturbating for an entire month.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
A total dad joke I made up last night- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?
Wife: “Tommy said you’re giving up drinking for a month?”
Me: No, I said... “I’m giving up! Drinking for a month!”
What’s Rick Astley giving up for lent?
Not you...
Insert rick roll here.
Sorry I’m old that used to be a thing,
Dad
I was considering giving up puns for Lent, but then I thought... not so fast!
I'm considering marrying a high earning ceo who doesn't want children, but I'm sad about the prospect of giving up my scuba diving hobby.
It's illegal to DINK and dive.
My local tattoo shop is giving free tattoos if you lift up your shirt
If giving up puns is what will help me be Russian.
Giving my one year old boy a shoulder ride when I lifted him up and put him on my head...
Turned to the wife and said "Do you like what I'm wearing?" (Lulling her into a false sense of security)
She smiles at me, blissfully unaware of my setup and thinking I'm just being cute.
"It's a son-hat." I say with a grin.
The groan she gave me told me I had done well.
Every year we line up and take turns giving Johnny birthday punches
Giving up my caffeine addiction wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
But I finally got it down to a tea.
Several more women came forward today to accuse Rick Astley of giving them up.
I'm giving up checking my dryer for Lent.
I'm giving up spray deodorants at the end of the year.
Couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up watching videos of Mel Gibson giving support to Jewish communities.
I don't know what all the fuss is about Mel atonin', because I didn't get a wink of sleep.
I'm giving away a brand new television. Problem is, volume is all the way up and can't be changed.
"Can't turn that down."
(Stolen from Gus Johnson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-w0h3g07aE )
AP Biology teacher was giving us a verbal quiz, when a question with the answer "hormones" comes up.
After several fruitless attempts at trying to get us to say "hormones," he cracks this one:
"What noise comes out of a brothel?
Whore-moans!"
I am giving up drinking for a month
Sorry that came out wrong.
I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
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