What does Mission Impossible's star give when he f**ks up?

excruises

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hurtkopain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Bilbo Baggins not want to give up the ring?

It was a force of hobbit.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suffocatedwallaby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?

rick ash-tree

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imboredwithlyf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the oyster give up her pearl?

She was shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeHunt_004
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My lawn care guy had to give up mowing when his mower broke down.

He just couldn't cut it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to give up drinking and replace booze with mashed potato...

I guess you could say I’ll just be getting sMASHED from now on.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Js_sampson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...

"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been Internet hacking for almost thirty years, and now I want to give it up.

Can someone point me to an Anonymous Anonymous group?

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Added Never Gonna Give You Up to my Spotify playlist and put it on shuffle. I call it, "Rick Roulette"
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChickenNugget6475
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My farmer friend is moving, so he had to give up his horses for adoption.

They are now being raised in a stable environment.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I've had to give up my clock-eating hobby

It's too time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/22mikey1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Which ghost will never give you up?

Rick Gastly

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowningStructure
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear Trump has decided to give up golf...

He spent too much time in the bunker.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an antelope that never gives up?

A cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_am_AmandaTron
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Never gonna give this person’s spelling up
πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomDaNub3719
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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I give up
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley played β€˜Never gonna give you up’ while rapidly moving downhill sideways

It’s called Rick Rolling

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I busted my guitar up but I’ll give it to you for free.

Really. No strings attached.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If I had to give up one of my senses,

I'd give up my sense of humor

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alice_832
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was scheduled to teach a course in Origami, but then decided to give up.

Too much paperwork.

πŸ‘︎ 344
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I find a difficult level on a game I give up and go search for a walkthrough in order to clear it.

I really should get past this phase.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FramDzi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife : "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment to cheer me up"

"You have perfect eyesight"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Autocorrect screws up so much, I'm just fresh out of ducks to give.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robuttocks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the guitar player have to give up playing after the traffic accident?

It was a fender bender.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to a liver problem, I was advised to give up alcohol.

So I now identify as M, I gave up the ale

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Give up your hip workout.

It's a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobrasada1009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Let's give it up for the folks fornicating at midnight

It's a great way to start the decade off with a bang.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PreviousHistory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Never gonna give you up
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captainspookle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to give up my habit of eating clocks

It was just too time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LevelVS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the egg give up?

Because it was ova it!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GummiBerry_Juice
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Customer- "Give me your dryest wine you've got" Bartender- "Sure mate coming right up"
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funneljer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t vultures ever give up?

They just keep calm and carrion

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerioFirmus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag. Trainer walks up and says "what gives?"

Boxer says "I'm exercising my rights"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeverShan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
My old girlfriend came up to me and tried to give me a hug, but was shocked...

Ex-static to see me she was!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to work in a muffler shop, but I had to give it up...

because it was exhausting.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foreverxtrue24
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I give up
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohlmao
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to a dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conditackler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Never gonna give you up
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stolen_Burrito
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A man gives up his twin sons for adoption at birth.

Many years later the dad finds out one boy was adopted by a Mexican family and the other by a Muslim family.

The son from the Mexican family, Juan, reaches out to the dad as an adult and the two meet. They have a great time reconnecting and the dad finds out his other son is named Amal.

At the end of the day Juan asks his dad if he wants to meet his other son. The dad declines. Juan asks why and the dad says, β€œif you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hanasmf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to give up my vegetarian diet

Turns they’re a lot harder to catch than cows

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DropDeadMaxxi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to give up on my idea to create a miniature flamethrower

It was burning a hole in my pocket

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I think this year, I’m going to give my belly button up for lint.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yags2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn’t the oyster give up her pearl?

She was shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to a dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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