The past, present, and future walked into a bar...
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
You can use ketchup to tell the future
In Heinzsight you probably can't
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
A Solid Future
I told my son he should be a cement contractor. I told him that field has a solid future.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
The Pasta, Present and Future [OC]
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Lets go back to the future!
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
I really don't see much future for Advent Calendars
It feels like their days are numbered.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Finally got around to watching the whole βBack to the Futureβ trilogy!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Where do fat people go when they want to see into the future?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
The light of my life, a future dad:
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
I didn't put my watch back this weekend, so I'm living in the future.
If there's anything you want to know, about what's going to happen, just ask me.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Doctor I think Iβve gained the ability to see into the future
It all started next Tuesday
π︎ 26
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
In far future, in a robot-only disco, one of the dancers suddenly shuts down.
The doctor arrives and after a quick inspection he calms the crowd:
βDonβt worry, he just got disco-nnected.β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-
You really are a head of your time
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue.
It's intense tense in tents
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
In the future, historians will call 2020 the Hindsight year because we have clearly seen it all
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
I once had a dream about the future
There was milk in the fridge
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
Your mother couldnβt believe that an actual skunk could predict the future.
But it was a real fortune smeller.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
In the future...
In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" ππ€£
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
Good punmanship is an investment in your future
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 06 2020
I was watching back to the future and I am amazed at how well they hold up.
They truly were ahead of their time
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
My future boss asked if i could perform under pressure.
I said "No, but I can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody"
π︎ 39
π
︎ May 18 2020
In the future it will be possible to incubate humans in artificial uteri. If you want yours in the one by the window, it will be more expensive.
After all, it always costs more for a womb with a view.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
Future dad joke
Kiddo: Geez whiz dad, we didn't get any snow at all this year!
Papa: Yeah, it never used to be like this back in the colden days...
Everyone: sigh
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
My dad invented a belt made of herbs that takes you 5 minutes into the future.
It took 6 minutes to put on. It was a waist of thyme
π︎ 19
π
︎ May 18 2020
Highlighter pens are the future.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
If the price of oil futures goes any deeper, it will hit oil.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 21 2020
Which of the saints could predict the future?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 15 2020
There is no Iran in the future
π︎ 60
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 15 2020
George Washington predicted that some day in the future, a dollar bill will contain his likeness.
In that sense, he was on the money.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 09 2020
Iβm worried my young daughter might have a future in crime. Today, she found a tree branch on the ground...
She immediately raised it above her head and said, βThis is a stick up!β
(Credit to my 2.5 year old- inspired by true events)
π︎ 45
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
Dads in the future: Why do they call it the novel corona virus?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar,
Things got a little tense.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
A Solid Future
I told my son he should be a cement contractor. I told him that field has a solid future.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
The past, present and future walk into a room.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar
Things got a little tense
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-
You really are a head of your times
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
The past,The present and The future entered a bar
π︎ 21
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Past, present and future walked into a bar.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
The past, present and future walk into a bar
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
The past, present and future walk into a bar
π︎ 84
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
The past, present and future walk into the bar,
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 18 2020
What does the past present and future have in common?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 13 2020
The past, present and future walk in to a bar..
π︎ 28
π
︎ Feb 22 2020
The Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
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