Fruiting it up

What fruit keeps your head on your shoulders?

A necktarine!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AIWDI
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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Fruit pun related to wealth

I want to make a joke about a rich fruit, and so am need to choose a fruit best associated with wealth, riches having lots of money, etc..

Can any of you pun masters help me out?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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I do love me some fruit puns

https://preview.redd.it/e3gbq2lopxr11.png?width=514&format=png&auto=webp&s=4a831652c3ee2a9018744b74a343b9bbbacf62c2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamneverfunny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreSixtyFlip
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Fruit puns intended

Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesduffton
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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Some well considered puns

From an email my cousin sent me:

I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.

I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.

The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.

A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.

Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.

Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.

To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.

If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.

Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.

Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.

If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.

A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.

My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?

Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.

Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eli_Truax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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Co-Worker and I were bored at work this morning, we wrote this. We work for a fruit store.

NASHI here Scott, we don't need your PERSIMMON to PRODUCE puns. I ain't LIME-ing, fruit puns are hard. It's a GRAPE skill to have and not at all CORNy. If BANANA (you wanna) challenge us; that can be ORANGEd, however you SHALLOT be prePEARed for us. I can GUAVAntee we will not deal with you GINGERly; if you push, APPLE; (I pull) It's not like i'm speaking LEBANESE, CUCUMBERstand?

I myself am full of puns from my head TOMATOES, as you can KIWI (See, we) have been doing this longer than you, we never skip a BEET, our abilities just climb higher PAPAYA (and higher)?.

We don't CARROT all if you're upset by this, in fact it's about THYME we asked your mother on a DATE. So don't be a DILL, we've BEAN there and done that before. So be ready to LETTUCE give you something to cry about throws onion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iCappa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
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Vegetables and fitness puns

My kid's school is having a jogaton to raise money for the schools garden. I thought the kids would get a kick out of some funny motivational posters with vegetable/herbs/fruits puns. Please help me Reddit as I'm not nearly as creative as you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mmmnmbop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2015
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My son asked me "Why are bananas such popular fruits?". I replied

"Because they have a peel".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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What do you call a pirate that doesn’t eat his fruit?

Whatever you want, he died of scurvy ages ago

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryder_Alknight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I've recently started writing an Ebook about the history of citrus fruits.

It's nowhere near finished, but the first chapter's on lime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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How do you know if certain fruits are good for you?

Bite em and see!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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My daughters favorite fruit is mango. So when she’s older and starts dating.

I’ll be sure to remind her to always let the Man-go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssj3dvp11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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I asked my wife, β€œDid you know there’s a fruit that gives you your entire potassium requirement for the day?”

My wife: That’s bananas.

Me: I know, I couldn’t believe it either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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How do you rob a fruit stall?

... with a FRUIT PUNCH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redundantgene
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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What fruit that is always in line?

Queuecumber

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I named my spotify playlist β€œfruit preserves”

cuz its a jam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comsicwastaken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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John Bon Jovi has started an extremely strict fruit only diet...

He's living on a pear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What fruit can't get married?

A Cantelope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBrunoIII
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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I just found out that the guy who stole my diary died yesterday.

My thoughts are with his family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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Who are the youngest fruit police?

The Peach Fuzz!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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You heard about the fruit clan that took their young grapes out into the hot summer day?

They were raisin' a family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bringdirt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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My friend told me, "Did you know trees drop edible stuff, that aren't fruit?"

"That's nuts." I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Why did the fruits invite the mushroom as chief guest for their party?

Cause he seemed like a "fun-gi"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginks_21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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Me: Someone told me that there’s a fruit that’s an excellent source of potassium.

Her: That’s bananas.

Me: Yeah, I was shocked too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Looks like the Democrats are going for a fruit-based strategy

They're going with either impeachment or impairment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawkeye18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What is the least supportive fruit?

Cant-aloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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Punny fruit name
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fensfisan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Dad jokes are low hanging fruit and here's why

Why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phuckingidiot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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Why can't Ana go to the fruit store?

Because they ban Ana.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notBjoern
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H

Half a watermelon

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What fruit is not allowed in any Las Vegas Wedding Chapels?

Cantaloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfoxtrot21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I'm looking for the story of an astronaut whose lunar Odyssey was very fruitful?

Mangoes to the moon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shouldExist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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This might be my crowning achievement. If it's been done before, I apologize for nothing. Grape minds think alike- nope wrong fruit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davebelieves
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.

One could say it was a sub-lime experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePokemasterYT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiranamisu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Some bastard has taken my festive German fruit bread

I think it was stollen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgtjenno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Did you know that Fruit of the Loom (TM) once took Hanes(TM) to court?

It was a BRIEF case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Expensive fruit. (iaio #100)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What’s a vampires favorite fruit?

A NECK-tarine!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Greystone_86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?

Ba-nan-nan-naaa ba-nan-nan-naaa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DontSassMeBurkis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I like to advertise my homemade fruit preserves at clubs.

Whenever a song comes on, I’ll hold up a jar and say, β€œThis is my jam!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of stuff

It is enough to make a mango crazy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Ladies, if he doesn't appreciate your fruit jokes....

....you need to let that mango.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...

You need to let that mango.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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If your man doesn't appreciate jokes about fruit...

You need to let that mango...

😁

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JessieJade18
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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