As a kid, when I felt vulnerable I'd often build myself a pillow fort.
I did so out of an abundance of cushions.
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 02 2021
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside Fort Knox?
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
π︎ 16k
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︎ May 14 2019
My sister asked me to keep my nephew from playing games on his tablet all night. I suggested he builds a fort with his cousin.
He instantly replied, βbut mom said I couldnβt play Fort Nightβ
(Heβs gonna be a great dad some day)
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I've just started reading a book about Fort Knox,
but I'm finding it really hard to get into it.
π︎ 30
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︎ Jun 16 2020
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
π︎ 18
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︎ Aug 11 2020
So my wife and I were driving through Pennsylvania today and drove by a place called Fort Necessity.
I looked at her and said βIβm trying very hard, but I donβt feel the need to go thereβ.
She didnβt say much to me the rest of our trip.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 18 2020
On a video of a custom 2 Fort map that excludes the middle area (Team Fortress 2)
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 19 2020
Why did they add 2 more layers of defense to Fort 43?
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 14 2019
Helped my daughter make a pillow fort.
Me: We've got enough pillows to make a fivet.
Kid: What's a fivet?
Me: It's a little bigger than a fort; half the size of a tent.
π︎ 267
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︎ Mar 20 2017
My goal was to build a fort for each letter of the alphabet, but I was only able to build the first six.
Whatβs important is that I made an F Fort.
π︎ 21
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︎ Oct 16 2018
Shitty quality fort a shitty man
π︎ 30
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︎ Dec 14 2017
I just worked for 3 weeks in Fort Worth, and every time things would get difficult...
I would tell my co-workers to keep at it, because it would be Fort Worth It!
Now we are headed to Denver for a while, and I need a new one. Any suggestions?
π︎ 2
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︎ May 13 2018
βDad, spell fortβ
Dad: f.o.r.t.
Me: now say it twice
Dad: fort fort
Me: now say it three more times
Dad: fort fort fort
Me: now what do you eat soup with?
Dad: (inserts the most Asian ass accent) βRICEβ
No joke the moment he said that I had to post on reddit.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 01 2019
My wife walked in to see that our boys had built a fort in the living room. She shouted, ''PUT THOSE CHAIRS AND BEDSHEETS BACK!!"
I yelled, "YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER!!" as I climbed out of fortβ¦
π︎ 13
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︎ Aug 08 2017
My wife, daughter and I were building a fort...
Daughter: Daddy, we are building a "fork"
Dad: yes, it's very knife!
Mom: umm...
Dad: hope we can play again spoon!
π︎ 88
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︎ Jun 21 2015
Dad look, I made a fort!
Well I made a three-t.
And your mom made a two-t.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 24 2015
The existence of the Kia Forte...
Implies the existence of the much quieter Kia Piano.
π︎ 15
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︎ Nov 06 2020
This pun might fall flat
π︎ 4k
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Why do musicians hate stealth missions?
Being quiet really isn't their forte.
π︎ 7
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︎ May 12 2021
My wife said I was immature.
So I told her to get out of my fort.
π︎ 20
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︎ Apr 28 2021
I toured the USS Missouri todayβ¦
In the ship I saw the Master at Armsβ office and weapon storage was right near the shipβs bakery. It struck me as odd, until I realized that the Navy followed the same principles as the Army having the US gold in Fort Knox, surrounded by an armored force.
You have to be able to guard the dough.
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︎ May 15 2021
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 12 2019
What's your forte?
From the Red Skelton radio show, with Red playing Bolivar Shagnasti, interviewing a new performer for his circus
Lady: Iβm a performer.
Red Skelton: Whatβs your forte?
Lady: Pardon?
Red Skelton: Your forte.
Lady: No, Iβm only 39.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 07 2019
Bought my wife a castle shaped abacus for her birthday...
Itβs the fort that counts
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 10 2021
How long does jousting tournament last?
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Being loud isnβt my forte
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 05 2019
Music puns are an acquired taste
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jul 23 2018
Playing soft in band isn't really my forte.
π︎ 36
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︎ Feb 10 2015
Good puns aren't my forte
Some get me into serious treble.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 27 2016
What did the emporar who lost his castle say?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Literal Puns are his forte.
So I walk into the kitchen and see my Dad grab a big knife to cut some vegetables. "Whoa Dad, thought you just drew a knife on me." He proceeds to grab a sharpie and draw a knife on my forearm, then continues his vegetable chopping.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 11 2014
Playing my guitar on full blast is my forte
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 11 2014
I used to be a professional singer...
Why do I mention it? I figured it was noteworthy.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 06 2019
When you see it.
π︎ 117
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︎ Feb 24 2018
What do musicians use to play longer notes?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Apr 06 2016
What time do chickens defend their garrisons?
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 21 2020
I tried building a stronghold the other day .
It wasn't exactly my forte.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 15 2020
All my exes live in Texas.
Funny enough, so do all my cousins.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 04 2018
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside Fort Knox?
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
π︎ 78
π
︎ Oct 24 2019
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside of Fort Knox?
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!
π︎ 45
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︎ Dec 06 2019
My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.
π︎ 39
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︎ Jun 02 2020
My wife was disappointed with the castle shaped clock I bought for her birthday....
But itβs the fort that counts.
π︎ 13
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︎ Aug 10 2020
My wife told me I was immature
I told her to get out of my fort
π︎ 13
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︎ Aug 03 2020
I made my son a castle out of a abacus for his birthday
It's the Fort that counts
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 16 2020
My wife accused me of being immature...
I told her to get out of my fort.
π︎ 26
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︎ Jun 07 2020
My wife said I was being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.
π︎ 97
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︎ Nov 14 2019
My wife accused me of being immature...
I told her to get out of my fort.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
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