Did you hear about the queen who wasn’t sure how long she had ruled for?

She took a reign check.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know what decisions the Supreme Court will make in 2021 but one thing is for sure...

They will be ruthless.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
after the dam failed, the engineer thought he'd lost his job for sure

but at the performance review he was consoled by his boss, "it's all just water under the bridge"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Joe sure is patient when it comes to waiting for the results of the election

All I hear is Joe Biden his time till the results are finalized!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
would provide energy for sure
πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever my son has to make a picture for homework, I always make sure he signs his name last

Because Andrew is a lot shorter than Andrawing

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
No one knows for sure how many Covid cases there are...

but WHO IS counting

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frago242
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
For being a gay guy, Andy Warhol sure did have a thing for

Cans

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeetle2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The best advice my dad ever gave me: if ever you are desperately searching for something, make sure to take an apple with you.

That way, your search cannot be fruitless.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:

Death care.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.

Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Infuuri
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.

She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Not sure if it's legal for me to makes these jokes bc I'm not a dad so here it goes... What does a duck and a homeless person have in common?... . .

They both love quack

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imaginepicklez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend used to say this all the time when someone disagreed with an opinion of his. Not sure if it’s appropriate for this sub, but it still makes me laugh when used today.

β€œWell, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who are, and those who are not, my uncle.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I was drawing a zombie for my friend and wasn't sure how I would draw his eyes. First time posting here but hope this counts.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfamousChibi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
This made me laugh so hard... More than I should have, for sure
πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxTitanium
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm sure you've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for..

Times New Ramen

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was told to be sure to use the right nails for putting down trim in my house, but I can't find any.

At this point, I'm not even sure Finland makes nails!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keenDean
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm not sure if my wife would be okay with traveling outside the 48 contiguous states for our vacation

but Alaska.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud9ineteen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor: Thanks for being patient. (Happened 5 min ago, not sure he realized his genius)
πŸ‘︎ 522
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gopatrik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm sure I'll catch alkynes of grief for this...
πŸ‘︎ 841
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ducksarewitches
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
For sure
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dealsrop
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm sure there are plenty of televangelists who aren't just doing it for the money

But I feel like a lot of them are just preaching to acquire.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fightswithbears
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If I think my son is gay but he dates a girl named Amanda, I’ll know for sure.

Because she’s a man, duh.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AliCandyBar
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're buying a car for your elephant, make sure it has plenty of trunk space.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theinfinitejaguar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The highlighting is meant for those who don't appreciate puns I'm sure, I saw it right away
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingBubIII
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My date asked me to go back to her place for "a movie". I said sure.

She said, "How does popcorn sound?"

I said, "Crunchy."

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard that a famous cartoonist died today. But I don't know for sure...

The details were a little sketchy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegeneraldonut
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Cricket players involved in match fixing are sure to give you a run for your money.
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm not sure I can tell you word-for-word what the 2nd Amendment is...

But I'll take a shot at it!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
As we sat down at the table for dinner, I looked sheepishly at my family and admitted, "I learned a valuable lesson about speeding today and I'll definitely make sure it never happens again."

"I didn’t get pulled over or anything, it's just that I got to work 20 minutes early."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my husband with a joke I thought for sure he's heard before...

He was talking about how he would love to have a pirate wife. I said, "Pirate wives can't finish the alphabet... They get stuck at C..."

He laughed and told me to get out. I asked him, "You've never heard that one before? Are you C-rious?"

I think he is going to file for divorce now.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cdnpirate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife's going for a sonogram soon. Or a daughterogram. We're not sure yet.
πŸ‘︎ 214
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpunkBunkers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2016
🚨︎ report
As a janitor, I make sure to tell people there's always broom for improvement
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeButtheegee
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Not sure if these are puns or Ironic but I'm PUTIN them here for now. imgur.com/gallery/nSR8k
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
🚨︎ report
I've been growing a beard for four months. At first I wasn't sure if l liked it.

But it's really grown on me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buyingbridges
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Can anyone here help me? I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask for help. My son asked me to make him a paper airplane.

I tried all the magic I know but he's still just a boy.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobarhino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
For having such strong opinions on border security, Donald Trump sure can cross the line.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arthurktripp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
🚨︎ report
My sister got a new pillow for her birthday but she said she was not sure if she liked it.

My dad said she should sleep on it.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jibbster82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm an optometry student... I'm sure my dad has a database of eye related jokes stored up for when I talk about my course.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rawrrsica
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.