Random stranger cold blooded floored me
My girlfriend and I were walking with her carrying a backpack and I was holding a bag of ice on each shoulder.
Random woman walks by and just looks at both of us and goes "she's really giving you the cold shoulder"
I was just floored. I never saw her before and I've never seen her again but I really hope things are working out for her.
I was floored by the response of our boss last night
I work in a kitchen and at night the floor mats need to rolled up and washed. While watching a new kid struggle with a ripped mat, I said "I think it's about time we get a new mat."
Our boss, named Matt, instantly yells from inside the nearby office "Oh come on, I'm sitting right here!" And while I didn't physically see it, I could feel the giant smile on his face as we all laughed
After cracking a few punny Dad Jokes to my friends, I was floored by my friend's response.
Friend 1: You'll be great at Dad Jokes when you become a Dad.
Me: That may be a while away. At least it means I'll get laid.
Friend 2: You know that's not what kids are for...
Need help with a pun
I work for a flooring company and my boss asked me to design some merch. He asked for a flooring pun I could put on a T Shirt. Any ideas??
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
Farting in a packed elevator...
It's wrong on so many levels.
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
What happens when you drop a steak on the floor?
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.
Soon It’ll just be water under the fridge.
Climbing through my window on the first floor was easy. But if it was the second floor,
That'd be a different story all together.
The dog pooped on the floor, and it stank to high heavens.
So I blasted the Febreezus out of the place.
I told my friend a joke and he fell on the floor from laughter
I guess some people cant stand jokes
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor
Yes, it was the VI P room
Woman on the floor: help! Someone call me an ambulance
What do you call a cow that fell on the floor
What kind of floors do Ghosts prefer in their homes?
Bam-Boo floors.
Happy Halloween to all!
What do you call a furniture store that isover 30 km away?
Pixar is making a Finding Nemo sequel where he opens McDonald’s locations on the ocean floor.
It’s called The Flounder.
What did the first floor say to the second floor?
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
I feel so bad for the floor..
Everyone just walks all over it
My boyfriend’s cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....
I own a steakhouse pub in which the counter can actually pop in and out of the floor
Let's say I raised the bar and set the steaks.
Did you hear about the comedian who fell through some floor boards?
He was just going through a stage
What did our lord and savior do when He noticed the temple floor was dirty?
I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.
I said I’m sure they’re fine, it’s just a stage they’re going through.
What substance do they make disco floors out of?
Falling from 3 floors isn’t that bad…
But 4 floors is another story.
I think we all should use nothing but mops and brooms to clean our floors
I guess that means I'm anti-vacs.
There’s nothing like the first floor of a house. But the upstairs...
Well that’s a different story.
We moved to a second floor apartment with ceiling fans.
I can now say I have fans in high places.
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
The teacher told him not to use tables
What does the Mexican carpet fitter say whenever he lays a new floor?
I was in an elevator and got out at the 10th floor.
The operator said ‘Have a nice day son’. ‘Don’t call me son’ I said. ‘You’re not my dad’
The operator scratched his head and said ‘No, but I brought you up didn’t I?’
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
Elevators terrify me
I'm taking steps to avoid them
What did the rug say to the floor?
Don't worry man, I got you covered.
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.
Soon, it’ll be water under the fridge.
An actor I know fell through the floor once.
But it was just a stage he was going through.
I dropped my steak on the floor
Did you hear about the actor that fell through the floor?
It was just a stage he was going through.
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