If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
What kind of tool fixes allergies?
Which sea creature fixes the ocean's instruments?
*Fixes tire balancer while working at assembly plant*
What kind of doctor fixes websites?
I know this girl that fixes air conditioners...
The latest version of the GasBuddy app has a lot of performance fixes...
... I'm finding MUCH lower gas prices today than just a few months ago!
I got my car horn fixed at a Lion King themed shop called Scar's Auto Body.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!
That’s right!
.... Everyone.
How many lightbulbs does it take to fix a lightbulb?
doesn't matter, they can't fix it either way because they're not bright enough.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
My belt broke, so I used my watch strap to fix it.
They fell down anyway. What a waist of time.
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed...
My female cat just got fixed, but the vet insisted on referring to it as "feline ovarian removal".
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
Which card in a deck can fix your dog?
What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed his tooth?
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house
If any of you know how to fix broken hinges
How long does it take to fix a hearing aid?
I submitted mine for repairs three weeks ago and I haven't heard a thing since then.
When I’m fixing an outlet and I get shocked
How do you fix kleptomania?
You take something for it.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
My patient wanted his bedding fixed, and when I did, I found remainders of his lunch.
Turns out, he was resting in peas.
Where do lizards go to fix their fallen tails?
Was fixing the universe hard for the Hulk?
How do you fix a municipality with lies?
With a mend-a-city program :)
My brother has gone into business fixing car ignitions.
I need someone who can help me fix my bike
It won’t stand up on its own anymore
It’s two tired
I accidentally broke my neighbour’s fence, so I apologized and got it fixed.
I said, “Sorry about the repost.”
Where do cavemen go to get their clothes fixed?
How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?
How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house.
If any of you know how to fix broken hinges
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
How do you fix a pumpkin?
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed
How do you fix broken tomatoes?
How do you fix a broken tuba?
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
