To pick their noses.
All the critics agree, it's hay-mazing!
He told me he used to have a glass eye, but that it had become infected. When he went to the doctor he was prescribed three eye drops each morning and evening. By the first morning though he’d dropped it so many times it had shattered!
I haven't wanted a vegetable in weeks.
It's going really well and I've just noticed my first leek!
Who knew she was able to breed unicornias
He said, I'll keep an eye out for it.
Eye Eye Captain
A Field Trip
"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."
I've been told that I'm losing the plot.
He paints his toenails red.
Don't believe me? Well have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch??
She cut off ties to spite her man.
...we passed by a cemetery.
My wife says: "Look at all the gravestones! That cemetery is so crowded!"
Me: "Yeah, well people are just dying to get in there!"
I was focused on the road, but I could hear her eyes roll.
The steaks have never been higher.
I responded, "well it certainly isn't even."
Microsoft confirms that there's an issue with their most recent patch: it can corrupt Windows installations. A Microsoft developer by the name of Benedict [Last name withheld due to reddit rules] admitted that the code he wrote was faulty and could lead to corruption of some system files. However, Microsoft still recommends downloading the patch, since these cases are rare, and a tool that repairs affected installations will be available by tomorrow, and can easily be downloaded, since the faulty patch doesn't break any Internet features. Microsoft estimates that only 0.002% of Windows installations will be affected, and that on all other PCs, the patch does fix the bug it addresses. Although some sources on the net claim otherwise, Microsoft states that...
Benedict's Blunder Patch is low-key.
Because he had holes in him!!
I was A-maize-d by how corny the corn maze was. Definitely not worth the $5.
It did have a lot in common with Dumbo though - it was all ears.
And it did creep me out a bit. Felt like I was being stalked the whole time.
Currently in the car with my aunt, and she looked at a lady walking on the side of the road at about 8pm and said "Unless she has a gun I don't think she should be out here"
Me: "It looks like she has an eye patch, so she should be fine"
Aunt: "What's she going to do with wan eye patch?"
Me: "Hey, looks can kill"
To which he replies 'no son, I'm half left'
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.