What do you get when you cross a Vegetable Patch with a Dinosaur?

Squash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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Why did the snowpeople go to the carrot patch?

To pick their noses.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
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A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Dad jokes - patch
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Did you hear about the new corn maze the pumpkin patch?

All the critics agree, it's hay-mazing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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I once asked a pirate about why he wore an eye patch.

He told me he used to have a glass eye, but that it had become infected. When he went to the doctor he was prescribed three eye drops each morning and evening. By the first morning though he’d dropped it so many times it had shattered!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Fucked-YourMom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I'm really happy with my vegetable patch.

I haven't wanted a vegetable in weeks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Being a plumber and out of work because of the lockdown I've started my own vegetable patch.

It's going really well and I've just noticed my first leek!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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My daughter put her eye patch on my girlfriend's head like a horn.

Who knew she was able to breed unicornias

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I told my pirate friend with a patch to watch for a letter I sent him that reveals the site of the gold...

He said, I'll keep an eye out for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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What do you say to a pirate captain that doesn’t need an eye patch?

Eye Eye Captain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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What do you call a night watchman at a pumpkin patch?

Security Gourd

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brassman1971
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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What do you call it when you get high in a patch of tall grass?

A Field Trip

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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After playing our set at the local block party, a group of kids walked up to the stage and the leader laughed, "You rock pretty good for a buncha ole geezers, but why the heck did you name your band, 'Bald Patch'!?" I shrugged and said...

"To be honest, it was off the top of my head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?

Lettuce spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cantcontrol12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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I tried to clear the weeds on my allotment by setting fire the to the patch with petrol

I've been told that I'm losing the plot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsefan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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How does an elephant hide in a strawberry patch?

He paints his toenails red.

Don't believe me? Well have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotDelnor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,

She cut off ties to spite her man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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On the way to the pumpkin patch yesterday...

...we passed by a cemetery.

My wife says: "Look at all the gravestones! That cemetery is so crowded!"

Me: "Yeah, well people are just dying to get in there!"

I was focused on the road, but I could hear her eyes roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleep_For_Dummies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
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Did you hear the one about the cow in the marijuana patch?

The steaks have never been higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aescula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2017
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My wife thought the rough patch in the road was odd...

I responded, "well it certainly isn't even."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qhapaqocha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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About the newest Microsoft patch

Microsoft confirms that there's an issue with their most recent patch: it can corrupt Windows installations. A Microsoft developer by the name of Benedict [Last name withheld due to reddit rules] admitted that the code he wrote was faulty and could lead to corruption of some system files. However, Microsoft still recommends downloading the patch, since these cases are rare, and a tool that repairs affected installations will be available by tomorrow, and can easily be downloaded, since the faulty patch doesn't break any Internet features. Microsoft estimates that only 0.002% of Windows installations will be affected, and that on all other PCs, the patch does fix the bug it addresses. Although some sources on the net claim otherwise, Microsoft states that...

Benedict's Blunder Patch is low-key.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?

Because he had holes in him!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trutek23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Went to a pumpkin patch a few weeks ago...

I was A-maize-d by how corny the corn maze was. Definitely not worth the $5.

It did have a lot in common with Dumbo though - it was all ears.

And it did creep me out a bit. Felt like I was being stalked the whole time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digitaldavis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
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The lady with the Eye Patch

Currently in the car with my aunt, and she looked at a lady walking on the side of the road at about 8pm and said "Unless she has a gun I don't think she should be out here"

Me: "It looks like she has an eye patch, so she should be fine"

Aunt: "What's she going to do with wan eye patch?"

Me: "Hey, looks can kill"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinXTyler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2017
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My dad slipped on a patch of ice today. Being the concerned son, I ask 'dad, are you alright??'

To which he replies 'no son, I'm half left'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OGMudChicken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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Here's one my Dad said when we were discussing a veggie patch.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arzetaire
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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What do you get when you cross a vegetable patch with a dinosaur?

Squash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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