16 Hilarious First Of All Puns

On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”

“They are to keep your shirt done up” he replied.

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👤︎ u/cotswoldboy

📅︎ Dec 15 2020

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During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...

...that's where I finally had to draw the line.

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👤︎ u/KW-DadJoker

📅︎ Aug 05 2020

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I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!

It's my last resort!

Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Jan 08 2020

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My daughter tried doing her first load of laundry by herself. All the colors bled and intermixed.

"Well," she said. "It did say on the clothing labels to wash in, like, colors."

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Dec 31 2019

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It has been a bit of a strange day today... First of all I found a hat full of money in our local High Street,

then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar!

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👤︎ u/cotswoldboy

📅︎ Oct 06 2019

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My first job was at a Navajo reservation, running power lines to all of the outhouses

I wired a head for a reservation.

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👤︎ u/norrisrw

📅︎ Jun 06 2019

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I once knew a band composed of guys all born bottom first. Great music, but for some reason, The Breech Boys never made it big.

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Nov 06 2018

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Two vampire bats in a cave, one goes out in search of fresh blood in the local village, and comes back with a face covered in red blood. His friend says "what did you eat to get all that?" The first bat replies:

"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."

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👤︎ u/palpameme_66

📅︎ Dec 14 2018

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Fun whiskey fact: when creating Buffalo Trace bourbon, the first couple of attempts were complete failures. They even went so far as to destroy all records of the early products

which is why you never hear about Buffalo Uno or Buffalo Dos

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👤︎ u/confibulator

📅︎ Dec 16 2017

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The President's family has it so easy these days. Did you know the original first family had to spend all of their days cleaning?

They were washingtons.

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👤︎ u/Lorinar

📅︎ Jul 10 2018

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A group of vampires overthrew a farm using democratically-elected leaders. Their first course of action was to suck all the chickens dry.

It was a bloodless coop.

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👤︎ u/KiplingDidNthngWrong

📅︎ Jun 09 2018

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My dad's first dadjoke. Ever. Of all time.

We were in the car when my little brother asks why the 405 freeway is called the 405. Dad replies,"It's called the 405 because it takes 405 hours to get anywhere!" Many a groan were had that day.

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👤︎ u/seventysevensevens7

📅︎ Sep 20 2014

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With the birth of my first less than a month away, I have been practicing all I can at work. This season provides some extra opportunities.

I am a mail clerk at a huge office. I dropped this while delivering boxes today:

Me: (Knock Knock) Hey Karen, I've got something for you. (Hand her a box.)

Karen: OOO What is it?

Me: Its a box.

Karen: Ughh...

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👤︎ u/THE_BIG_SITT

📅︎ Dec 18 2013

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The first and last of all dad jokes (x-post from /r/tumblr)

http://i.imgur.com/oN8fib0.jpg

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👤︎ u/TheCultist

📅︎ May 28 2014

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My dad's response to all the "first day of school" pictures last week.

http://i.imgur.com/0ETJIwW.jpg

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👤︎ u/Amazing_Bagel

📅︎ Aug 31 2014

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The first day of flying class, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “Wow! What are all these buttons for?”

He said, “They are used to keep your shirt closed.”

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 19 2020

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