Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!
I’m so proud.
I didn't know this but the first pun ever was in a fairy tale. A woman living in a tower threw down her hair so her suitor could climb up and she said "Hair you are!". Not the best, but good to know how Rapunzel got her name.
I am terrified of words that contain no vowels. I live in consonant fear of them.
My first born is due soon and so to prepare it for life with its father I wanted the first words it hears from me to be a pun. We don't know the sex yet so I need to have a back up plan.
Currently is if is male I am thinking of "It's aboy-t time you showed up". I am fairly happy with this but I am also open to suggestions. I still need either a genderless pun or girl based pun though.
If I get my face tattooed on my body, I'd get AHEAD of myself.
The first round is 90 seconds to come up with as many puns as possible. Second round is teams, round-robin style. Any pro punners out there with tips?
We were in class and my friend saw my eraser on the desk. He then takes out his own eraser.
Friend: Look at your eraser, so dirty and old whereas mine is so clean and pure.
Me: Don't be e-racist
Friend: ...
I was so happy that day.
He wanted kelp flakes on his pasta (don't ask). I said "I don't have the shaker, ask mom to kelp you."
He immediately got a big grin on his face, just as mom rolled her eyes.
If I made a slightly neurotic medicine to cure old age, I'd call it the 'Pill-grim-age'
Everybody would pay thousands to go on a trip to pilgrimage. :)
(first pun ever. Any tips how to get better?)
The other day, we were getting my 3 year old daughter out of the bath. You know how cold that transition is.
D = daughter M = me
D: "Daddy, me owl."
M: confused face "What?"
D: shivering "whoooooo, hoooooo"
Her first pun!!!
My First Pun here, please dont make me explain it, it just kills the Joke
He responded “I don’t know, I can Nazi German wieners.”
I chuckled because of the first pun and then stood in awe realizing he was making fun of my question.
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
Sorry, wrong sub.
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
....and the second one Duplikate.
But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'
"Stairs don't talk!"
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...
HDMI
Where wolf!?
You could call me a header-row sexual
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
but then I changed my mind.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
So I pushed her over.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
It was the wurst.
Turns out it’s tomorrow.
I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill, isn't it ?"
After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!
