Felonies Puns

today i tripped and fell down

and my face hit the letter E on a sewer drain cover

and then the police came and charged me with felony

Yes, it was a salt!

Only for young goats - then it's kidnapping.

They're doing hard thyme

I didnt know that was still a requirement to get in!

He said it was a wee-gull

I can’t say the same for his felony.

But then I did the hokey-pokey, and I turned myself around.

Got quite a few groans I was pretty proud of today!

We were talking about hiring a new manager for a field team, and it turned out the guy we liked the most had several felony convictions for gun possession.

COO: I'm not sure we can take the risk, despite his valuable experience.
Me: Well guys, at least we know he'll stick to his guns.

I'll make a very good dad one day.

A felony sandwich

A hot single in your area!

A few years ago, there was a series of murders that seemed completely independent from one another, aside from two similarities. Each of the victims had received an e-mail the day prior that was typed in all caps, and contained a joke, with the punchline being a play on words. The victims also all had felony convictions. In light of the second fact, many people felt that the murderers were doing a service to the public. Many others disagreed, however, and those against the murders all rallied under the same slogan: End Capital Punishment.