I’ve lost count of the times I forgot
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bo_veytia
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2020
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I once had a chicken that could count her eggs...

I named her Countchickula

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/D-B-Zzz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2021
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I had a rooster that could count once...

It was a mathmachicken

πŸ‘οΈŽ 184
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mother_Flerken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
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How do you count cows?

With a cowculator.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Electronic-Stable123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2021
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Mrs. Dracula, from the living room: "Count Dracula!"

Count Dracula, from the basement:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Phripheoniks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2021
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I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LopsidedTeaching8583
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2021
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The Count
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ahydron
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2020
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Whats the one thing in life you can always count on?

A calculator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/B1RDS-ARENT-REAL
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2021
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What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A Mathemachicken

πŸ‘οΈŽ 213
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Locoboco2018
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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Do black and white count as colors?

It's a gray area.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 279
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2021
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How do you call something that makes a lot of sense for people who know how to count if you dont?

Counterintuitive

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Raaxen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2021
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I've got a chicken who counts her own eggs....

She's a mathamachicken.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2021
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A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.

He says, β€œuno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…

πŸ‘οΈŽ 683
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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Does this count?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MiauMiauMoon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!

See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zsozso01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2021
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It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)

https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/

https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mondalengo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2021
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A man goes to a beekeeper and asks for 12 bees. He counts, and sees he has been given 13....

β€œSir, you gave me an extra!” he says. The beekeeper replies β€œOh, that’s a freebie”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 154
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MARKHENRY88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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They should count all the people in this country that make $40k a year or less

Seems like common census

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2021
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RabidSyphiliticDingo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2020
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So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. β€œUno” β€œDos”

And then he vanished, without a tres.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cookiesncream6969
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
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How does a farmer count his herd?

With a Cowculator.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DismalSeagull
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2020
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My mom said this unknowingly but it still counts

So I was complaining about where I am in life and the path I have chosen she said

"Don't try to blame someone else for the road your on ....its your own asphalt"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Oilspilpenguin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2020
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What do you call an octopus that can't count?

A septopus

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jaydezi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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What did the German man say when asked if he could count past 8?

Nein

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sangimil
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared β€œStop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...

β€œTrump’s Not Down For the Count”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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Why do bottomless shoes count as Halloween decorations.

Because they have no soles.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lilleyal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
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If I have the ability to count

Does that mean I have accountability?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2020
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Does this count as a pun?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wizartti
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2019
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I was wondering what's taking them so long to count all the votes in Nevada

But I realized it's because their work is Neva Dan

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Idontbelieveinpotato
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2020
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What do you call more turkeys than you can count?

A Gobbillion. Happy thanksgiving!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ToiletReadingAccount
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
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Why do mission controllers count down on takeoff?

If they counted up the space shuttle would never take off.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Da-Boss-111-Youtube
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2020
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Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"

"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 285
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2020
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Count Dracula is a terrible project manager...

... He always avoid the stakeholders.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trickertreater
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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Does this count as a pun?.. it's my favorite thing I've ever created...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lianrhod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
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I recently got a hen to regularly count her eggs

She's a real mathemachicken!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cokedupbunny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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Did you hear about the French man who could only count to seven?

He had a Huit allergy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_houser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2020
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I don't know if this counts, but...

Every time my sister and I would play the board game "Life" when we were little, we would ask my dad this:

Me: "Dad, wanna play life with us?"

Dad: "I'm already playing"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thundergrb77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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What do snakes count time in?

Sekans.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Deafbones
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
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A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He says β€œUno...Dos...” *POOF*

...he disappeared without a Très

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ExcentricaGallumbits
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2021
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How do you count cows ?

With a cow-culator.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AWeirdLlama
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2021
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How do you count cows

A cowculator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2020
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How do you count cows?

With a cowculator

πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/livelylou4
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2020
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I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
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A Spanish-speaking magician announced that would disappear on the count of three. "Uno...dos...." POOF!

He disappeared without a tres.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jfshay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/takes_joke_literally
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2019
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What do you call a hen that counts her eggs?

A mathmachicken!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 60
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cuttcake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2020
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I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 171
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MyJelloJiggles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2020
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