Baa-dum-sss.
(Told by literally my dad)
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
Help! I'm in truffle.
He was a leperchaun.
He bearely survived.
On reflection that was a bad idea.
"What happened?"
"Eiffel."
"Oh sheet!"
I couldn't understand it at first but then I realised my dream was about Armageddon.
It's really a vicious cycle.
Me: Cleary, something is afoot.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
"BAA DUMM TSSSS"
because the little moron was a little MORON.
He lands into a water tank labeled “Sodium Chloride.”
Guy swims up through the cloudy white fluid.
Gasping for air he shouts up to to stranger that shoved him:
“Why did you do that?! Now I feel in-salt-ed!”
Against your will.
He re-Poe-ed them.
Because it didn't see the ewe turn.
Cliff Hanger... Or Mr Hanger if your being formal.
... cause if they fell forwards they end up on the deck.
The Retail store
It dice.
Because it had no arms
They were tired!
FYUCK!!!!!!!!
The retail store
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡He was a little moron
Because the little moron was a little more on.
But they will never get around to it
Boy, was that hawkward.
((To be played back and forth with a friend as questions and answers))
[499.]
What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? [1. Open door. 2. Put elephant in. 3. Close door.]
What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? [1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Put giraffe in. 4. Close door.]
All the animals attend a birthday party for the king of the jungle, except one. Who didn’t attend? [The giraffe. He’s still in the refrigerator.]
A girl swims across an alligator infested river, but safely makes it to the other side. How was that possible? [All the alligators were at the birthday party.]
The girls still dies though, how come? [The one brick from the airplane fell on her head.]
“Ba-dumm-Tsss”
BA-DUMM-TSS
Not Sally
ba dum tss
because she has no arms.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
Because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat.
Baa dum hiss
Because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat
Because he was a little more on.
Badum chhh
