2 drunk guys getting into a fight. One gets up and draws a line on the ground. He says "you cross this line and I'll punch you in the face".

That was the punchline...

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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I woke up with semen on my face..

I don’t know what came over me

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dannn88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I lined up everybody I ever wanted to punch in the face

And this is what I call a punch line

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pink-team-leader
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: β€œUgh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”

β€œThat was pepper spray.”

Got me!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorescittmore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...

Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.

Boy, was my face red!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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My infant daughter woke up with a cut on her face

I asked her if she made it from scratch

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harpin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2016
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This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...

Who's on the phone dad?

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pearly351
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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People get really upset when I run up to them in the street, and try to make plaster casts of their faces.

At least that’s the impression I get.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brookscorbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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A man gets on an escalator and starts going up, but the motor malfunctions, causing him to speed out of control and fall flat on his face.

All I can say is... that escalated quickly.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
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Samsung's recent business ventures are really blowing up in their face.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
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I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..

I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mudpucket2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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I wanted to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning...

I'm not allowed to keep Sharpies in the house anymore

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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People don’t approve when I run up to them on the street and try making a plaster cast of their faces.

At least that’s the impression that I get.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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