Guess I wont stop beating him then...
I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.
An Oxford Coma
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
It's all fun and games until someone loses an ideology.
To a degree, yes.
Checklist: a tool for ensuring coverage of a subject can be completed with a check mark of some form, for instance, a cross, a tick, etc.
Ticklist: someone who is tickling you.
Finally a turn in the right direction.
For a teacher who keeps working in the end times. i'll put mine in the comments so people can tell me which are bad :p
But are experts in Crash Courses
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
An educated guess
It was a third degree burn.
That makes cents.
A dogtor
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
Because sin90 = cot45
It's an integral part of education.
My Korea is over
because they've got more degrees
Because the have got more degrees !
( Read this one in an old book ! )
He replied confused and worried, "How does that work? Your education is on the line!"
A Scholarship ;]
...but don't worry, everything's going to be A-OK!
It was called Dungeons and Dragons.
A high school teacher
English Lit.
Al Gore Rhythms...
An oxymoron.
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The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
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I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
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She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
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A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
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No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.
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The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
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The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
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A backward poet writes inverse.
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In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
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When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
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A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
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Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
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There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
I even graduated at the top of my class.
but I found it a little derivative
Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.
My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.
So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.
He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said “this is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”
So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.
Macademia!
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
