My son's teacher said I'm educating my son well, and to continue to do what i was doing at home...

Guess I wont stop beating him then...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimatePeanut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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It's not easy educating kids in the capital of Connecticut.

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad; I'm a Hartford teacher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/f1rstman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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What do you call a well educated Englishman napping?

An Oxford Coma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/willehsballs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Where do crows go to get educated?

CAWlege

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beastocity1089
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sedulas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Chinese are building all sorts of new educational camps with invigorating physical exercise for Uigher citizens.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an ideology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urlordcov
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Do I think education is getting too expensive?

To a degree, yes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mex5150
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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The quality of education is so poor today that some people don't even know the difference between a checklist and a ticklist!

Checklist: a tool for ensuring coverage of a subject can be completed with a check mark of some form, for instance, a cross, a tick, etc.

Ticklist: someone who is tickling you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjoojjoojj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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NASCAR bans the confederate flag?

Finally a turn in the right direction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattzlo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Request: Education Apocalypse puns

For a teacher who keeps working in the end times. i'll put mine in the comments so people can tell me which are bad :p

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No-tro
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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The members of Al-Qaeda aren't educated folks

But are experts in Crash Courses

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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. β€œWe had sex education today, dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

β€œOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
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Whats an intelligent visitor with a typo?

An educated guess

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freezer12557
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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My friend told me, β€œYou have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”

It was a third degree burn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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My under-educated son is working for a very low-paying job

That makes cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CTMaximus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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What do you call an educated therapy dog?

A dogtor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheExpandingBrain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?

Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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They give an asstounding education
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4Dtwins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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If you commit 90 sins, you will get caught about half the time.

Because sin90 = cot45

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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I believe it is absolutely nessesery to teach our childer calculus.

It's an integral part of education.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotaLegFinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What did Kim Jong Un say on his death bed?

My Korea is over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredvanvleetsr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Educated people are hot

because they've got more degrees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K_rvex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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Educated people are hot

Because the have got more degrees !

( Read this one in an old book ! )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimingot_yesjams
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Farmer for life.
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I tried explaining to my grandpa that I would be having school online.

He replied confused and worried, "How does that work? Your education is on the line!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiSchii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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It was really educational..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harry_Butz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
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What do you call a boat with an education?

A Scholarship ;]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbarlam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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Due to cuts in the education budget, they've decided to simplify the alphabet, reducing it to just two vowels and one consonant...

...but don't worry, everything's going to be A-OK!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BluPrince
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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I had abstinence only sex education when I was in high school.

It was called Dungeons and Dragons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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What do you call an educator under the influence?

A high school teacher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2016
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I majored in English. My education was lit.

English Lit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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I hope that one day Al Gore comes out with an educational rap album called, "Algorithms."

Al Gore Rhythms...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/genevieveoliver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Macadamia nuts are the most highly educated of the of all nuts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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What do you call an educated ox without an education?

An oxymoron.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FiveMinFreedom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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What does an educated owl say?

Whom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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I was homeschooled my whole life, but still ended up being very educated.

I even graduated at the top of my class.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecentPlastic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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They said Calculus would be integral to my education

but I found it a little derivative

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hippokuda
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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Magnet schools are an attractive educational option.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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If a non-college teacher has sexual relations with a student, then they pursued a minor in education.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morighant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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I see what you did there, fb algorithm.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdr_breetai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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Groundhog Day

Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.

My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.

So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.

He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said β€œthis is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”

So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellexyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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What do you call a nut that's crazy all about education?

Macademia!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exoxe
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
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My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. β€œWe had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

β€œOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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