My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
Hi, I'm Poseidon. Just had to share this. I'm so proud of my boy. He's already working on his Christmas cards for this year, and I walked by and noticed what he was writing in each one.
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︎ Jul 26 2020
A couple on 60 years met a genie and they got 1 wish each The wife wished sheβd travel the world so she did. The husband wanted a 30 years younger wife
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
I was reading a history book, and apparently in the middle east there were hundreds of years where nocturnal predator birds used to fly around and ejaculate all over the place. The Arabic people would keep each other up to date on the latest attacks; and so marked the beginning of...
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
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︎ May 10 2020
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
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︎ Apr 13 2020
For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.
I guess you might call them emu-jis.
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︎ Mar 11 2020
The number of people who are injured each year while walking drunk
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︎ Feb 06 2020
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
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︎ Dec 06 2019
TIL about a bird that migrates from Canada to Jamaica each year, feeding on snakes over the winter
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︎ May 17 2019
I have a whole book of 365 jokes, one for each day of the year. Here are some of the ones I dont cringe at:
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Why do prisoners hate computers?
The escape key never works.
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How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game
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How do bees brush their hair?
With honeycombs.
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Why was the empty Olympic stadium so hot?
All the fans had left.
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was playing crossy road.
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Can February March?
No but April may.
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Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
10.why are recycling bins so optimistic?
Cuz they're full of cans.
[Insert minion meme]
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︎ Jun 09 2019
The Titanic, and Britannic both sank 4 years apart from each other
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︎ May 09 2019
I was sitting on a park bench with my 6 year old son, watching the pigeons wooing each other...
My son said, "look dad, they're all lovey-dovey!"
Never been more proud!
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︎ Feb 14 2019
A man slept for longer and longer each year.
He was gaining inte-rest.
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︎ Jan 04 2019
I can't wait until we're all gathered around the table and as we're about to eat, I'll ask my family as I do each and every year, "What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?"
And as the groans begin, I'll screech, "The letter G!"
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︎ Nov 22 2018
The gift my calculus teacher gives to each student every year
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︎ Dec 15 2017
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︎ Aug 23 2018
Each year I serve my Christmas guests Eggs Benedict plated on hubcaps...
...because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.
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︎ Dec 01 2016
There have been years of analysis by mainframe computers but it was a humble supermarket self checkout which finally unlocked the secrets of how dogs communicate with each other.
Apparently, it's a series of bark codes.
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︎ Mar 08 2017
Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
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︎ Feb 01 2018
Donkeys kill more people each year than airplanes
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︎ Nov 05 2015
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