Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
but we're okay now.
It was organized crime.
A bi-polar bear
Me : "Who? Me or me?"
A BULLimic
Said Tom being Frank
I'm just trying to B positive.
Bananas
"I hate having MPD" said Tom, being frank.
... But all things considered I'm actually doing quite well half the time.
An open relationship
Hispanic.
She said she couldn’t date a man with a reptile dysfunction
Example: Depresso, Anxietea
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
I never knew she was afraid of Santa and polar bears
I’m not sure how to feel about it.
They're called OCDC
Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"
Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."
Judge: "ok.... then? "
Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."
Judge: "what?"
Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"
They develop attic.
He poops his pants every hour on the hour. Needles to say I have really shitty genes
Pepto-Dismal
Because it has only one I.
Because of eating disorder.
I Binged and purged.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
They've got an altar ego.
I'm pretty sure they were talking about me.
Kid: "What's that disease called, the one that makes your spine all curved?"
Mom: "That's Scoliosis. It can also mess up your ribcage and shoulders."
Me: "The people who discovered Scoliosis actually had it themselves. It was a husband and wife team. I think their last name was Dover...
Kids: staring intensifies
Me: "... Ben Dover, and his wife Ilene Dover."
I keep biting my cheek.
Because of eating disorder.
