I think crematorium should give discounts to....
When purchasing honey you can almost always get a good discount.
You just have to use the right buzz words.
I crashed my car into the discount liquor store yesterday.
Let me tell you, I was not in good spirits.
Garth Brooks is always getting significant discounts on his DIY Home supplies.
He’s got friends in Lowes places.
What did the doctor say to the patient who insisted on sewing up their own wound?
What do you call a discount ship?
I Was Gonna Sign up For a Club that Gave Me Huge Discounts on Tools.
I was gonna sign up for a club that gave me huge discounts on tools. But I found out first I'd have to buy at least two carpenters levels at full price. So I told them no cause I'm not getting into any multi level marketing schemes.
Went to a discount roller blade store the other day...
They were a bunch of cheap skates.
My windshield was covered in ice this morning and I didn't have a proper scraper to remove it so I used my store discount card.
I bought loads of sleeveless t-shirts at a huge discount.
It's a great in-vest-ment.
Got some new boat parts, but negotiating discounts was a constant back and forth
Looking at it now, it was quite the oar deal.
My wife says I'm the cheapest man in the world.
William Shakespeare was asked to pen an advert for the camping shoppe he worked at briefly.
It read 'Now is the hour of our discount tents'.
Help, how do I get the frost off my windshield?
I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.
Did I tell you that I wrote a book about reverse psychology?
Why was Putin denied a discount on his home insurance?
He’s made too many claims in the past year.
My kids wanted to spend the whole day of our vacation shopping, which I don’t understand at all.
If you’ve seen one shopping Center, you’ve seen the mall!
At the checkout counter, I asked the cashier, "Ma'am, this has today's date. Can I get a discount?"
"Oh come on, do you want to buy the newspaper or not?"
Did you know vampires are suckers for deals? What do you call a vampire who uses coupons? Discount. What's a vampires favorite currency? Bite coin. The only kind of bank a vampire trusts is a blood bank. They still never make deposits.
Inspired by a recent post.
Discount Dad Joke
I have a coupon tattooed on my arm that I scan every time I buy groceries.
Some people give me dirty looks, but then I redeem myself.
why do vain people use the self service isle at the supermarket?
Because they like checking themselves out.
I gave up on using my store discount card to scrape off ice
Why aren’t kleptomaniacs allowed at r/dadjokes?
Because they always take things, literally.
Can anyone recommend a better way to remove ice from my windscreen? I used my Halfords discount card but could only get 20% off….
/r/CasualUK/comments/s30v…
An ovtupus went to a high end japanese restaurant for dinner.
It cost an arm and a leg.
2/8 My Barber gives great discounts AND sells USB cables
He takes 90% off then charges you
What do you call discount vouchers for using public toilets?
Today I saw a radio on eBay for 1$
The volume knob was stuck on high but I just thought to myself “I can’t turn that down”
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
Can you recommend a better way to scrape ice off my windshield?
I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.
Why shouldn’t you use a discount card to remove ice from your window?
Cause you’ll only get 20% off.
The Catholic Church just released a new app
But I just found out it’s pay to pray
I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you…
we’d go to the movies, we’re both getting discounts.
Bought some discounted Harry Potter DVDs...
What do you call a coupon-using vampire?
Discount.
(My daughter just came up with that and is quite proud).
Metallica should open up a chain of mattress discount stores!
And call it "Nothing else Mattress"
I made a few batches of Synonym Rolls the other day.
They all came out looking different but they taste the same.
What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.
Only been getting 25% off.
From late 1978 to early 1979, there were widespread sales of camping equipment in the UK
It was known as the Winter of Discount Tents.
What is it called when you get a discount on explosives?
I bought a discount thesaurus. Half the pages are missing...
A mattress salesman offered me a huge discount on a product out of my budget
I told him I’ll sleep on it
I just used a discount gene editor!
It turned out okay, but it could have been CRISPR.
Sign at the entrance to the car park of our local Lidl (discount supermarket)
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