What did the bodybuilder ask the other bodybuilder when wanting details about his diet?

How much do you whey?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blan_Uator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I actually lived a dad joke. (Details below)

I was in the mall with my family. A guy is in the mall with a pair of jumper cables (Legit jumper cables in the mall and I don’t know why) he got on the escalator ahead of me. I tapped him on the shoulder and told him, β€œHey, don’t try to start anything in here”

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
For anyone that's not 'overall' the details for school
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WankieTankie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a novel about a detail-oriented British pea farmer.

It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rinteln
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I got an email that said "You have won Β£36,769,011. To complete the transaction we will need your bank details."

"Certainly," I replied. "It's a big building with money inside."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
"Dad, I need details"

"Sorry kiddo, I don't have any. Ask the dog he has got one."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawSingularity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wants me to read the details on this website from the Kevin Fiege AMA session...

He doesn't realise I've Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uncoded_decimal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Ordered Spam online. Oddly, the shipping details email showed up in my regular inbox.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LetsTalkPoliticks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Help ! I am running out of bomb puns ! Details inside.

So, me and my group of friends recently started a gag going on one of our friends. She rolls with it, so it's okay.

So we just mess around with puns like "You're the bomb", "You've got an explosive personality", any bomb or explosion reference/pun we can make when talking with her or about her basically.

However, we are running out of puns.

Anyone got suggestions ?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BarbasPT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2016
🚨︎ report
The wife asked me to detail the car this weekend...

I told her I was more of a big picture kind of guy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mlnkoly111
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my dad I needed to run to the Art Store to get a detail brush.

"Detail?! I thought that was what you grab a cat by"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingvitaman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the priest want to get his car detailed?

The devil's in the detail.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Seal of Disapproval
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Planet_A
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn't believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother happened to be in Himalayas and captured the most detailed photo of the Abominable Snowman...

Experts say it is the best yeti!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Red Lobster shrimp and a car dealership have in common?

They’ve both been detailed

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flowersforfrogs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!

Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(


[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking News: famous cartoon character implicated in scandal!

They refused to be drawn on the matter, however.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dashie1985
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Named a gecko I let back outside.

His name is Detail. Cuz I de-tailed him by accident.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't think my friend's MacGyver-ed flashlight contraption would work until he provided a detailed description.

It was very illuminating.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy came into the store today and wanted a powdery substance that hardens when adding to water...

That's it... he gave no concrete details.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of people under 18 years old going somewhere?

A minor detail.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diagonal-E
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the tailless horse so clean?

It got detailed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CjMcDonald85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat, "description", lost her tail recently. I had to give the vet a detailed description.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucavon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I tell my friends that I got my incredibly detailed tattoos in Barcelona, they seem surprised.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

πŸ‘︎ 198
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain... reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I could tell you how this car was refurbished...

But I don’t like to go into detail.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she’d just ironed.

It may sound far-fetched but it’s true.

I watched it all unfold.

πŸ‘︎ 294
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Is an insanely detailed blueprint a

Psycho's Schematic?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book called "The History of Lubricants".

It's non-friction.

πŸ‘︎ 327
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoopdebop
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The priest always skims through the bible on surface

Because the devil is in the details

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This sub summed up in a photo.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Briggs2326
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do people keep asking me what I'm going to be doing in 5 years?

It's not like I have 2020 vision.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kleintrpt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm considering getting into the steel and mining business

.. just need to iron out the details.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmh4321
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a novel about a detail-oriented British pea farmer.

It’s called Mind Your Peas and Queues.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain...

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain...

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision...

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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