I was tried for armed robbery, but the case was overturned on a technicality.

My father always said I lack conviction.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Caught on a technicality.

Phoned my dad.

> Me: "Hi, can you talk?"

> Dad: "Yes, I've been able to talk for a while now."

> Me: "... Okay, are you available to talk?"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NejKidd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the professor say when the Urology student did not know the technical name for pee?

Urine idiot.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr3vak
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically Moses was the first man to download files from the Cloud...

....using a tablet.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically a flower, but...
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WestTexasOilman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically the truth.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mk4rim
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
If you’re teaching a new plumber the ropes of the trade you’re technically…

Potty training

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RICKDOGG424
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically we can all jump higher than a house..

Because houses can’t jump!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically right
πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Which pasta gets locked out of the house? β€”Technically a wife joke.

Gnocchi.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hoffa22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Technically, it’s true
πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_Roby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I mean technically
πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Though technically, one isn't
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ebtcrew
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Technically all national anthems

Are country music

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/d3athsdoor1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically, they both have some spiky stuff
πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skupsik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Scam warning: do not reply to any job offers from Braxton Hicks.

It's false labor.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ash-leg2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically True
πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpivLife
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

β€œI play a little guitar!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet...

....that could connect to the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of kangaroos?

A gangaroo.

Credit: friend’s kid.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redflats
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...

Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shatari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between technical and technological?

olog

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pseudosecure
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....

Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".

(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")

Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mavaction
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Is washing my hands technically a germocide?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isaacthehedgehog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do people keep saying Robert Downey Jr. is a girl?

Because he is Fe-male

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jcrne
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My drummer got married yesterday

He always wanted to get hitched on 4/3/21

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmaca90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pinkpunther96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Technically true
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jasujs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the most indecisive shoe?

The flip-flop.

(Technically a mom joke as this is my lovely wife's creation)

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorMasterBates
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Found on Facebook
πŸ‘︎ 617
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeppettoBlaise
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Technically, prisoners are all incels.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nfira
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a small house with a cardboard box for the group of 10 ants running around in my room. Technically, I am now their landlord and they are my...

Tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sadchowmrade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Technically the truth
πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just come to the realisation that in a way a baker is technically also a parent...

Because their raisin bread.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hairy_Swinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 1080p?

H.D.M.I

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lipisko
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Technically everything on the ground

is under the weather.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueTechJermayan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Chocolate chip dish technically makes this a... Desserted island
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustARandomBucket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
It was my suns birthday today.

4,603,000,001 years young.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NHonis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the longest word in the English language?

Smiles. The first and last letters are a mile apart.

πŸ‘︎ 902
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Iron man is technically a Fe-male
πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DandelionGaming
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Technically correct.
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dhariough
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid

It does indeed exist

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AZReifel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Technically, every apple is an atoms apple
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
It's technically a pun...
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Solar-Cola
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Well, I mean technically it's true.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/netdoppler
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If you throw somebody out of window when he is sleeping, he technically...

Falls asleep.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troporos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Technically all national anthems are...

Country music

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yourstangecousin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Technically, national anthems are just country music.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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