While you're making your decision, here are some pros and cons:

Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady

Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I’m having trouble making decisions today...

I’m not really sure how I feel about that.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arizhalfandhalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My son keeps making rash decisions.

As a dermatologist, it's all in a day's work.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Thanos decision-making

How did Thanos decide to bring balance to the Universe?

He made a snap decision.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daTMariano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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TIL my dad was going to write a book about decision making...

He couldn't decide what to write in the second chapter

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bankaren
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.

[deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I created a very fair chore and reward system for our son to instill values and help him learn valuable life lessons. I'm certain thus will prepare him to make sound decisions later in life.

After a 4-minute slide presentation with handouts and reference material all he did was burp, smile, and fill his diaper. Kids today!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poopflingsmonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?

An INVESTigator!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronzeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I don't know what decisions the Supreme Court will make in 2021 but one thing is for sure...

They will be ruthless.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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When a girl makes stupid decisions when she's turned on, can it be called clitical thinking?πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nexushead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What do you call a group of drunk state officials who make decisions?

A beeraucracy.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icantgivetitwanks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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My 7-year old niece made this up: What does Santa say when someone makes a bad decision?

That's a ho-ho-horrible idea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcrabb23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Will feels trapped inside his operating system, unable to make non-deterministic decisions.

Will free will free Will?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shpongolian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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My dad always said, β€œ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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The only decisions bar tenders make...

are pour decisions

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Vampires continuously make bad decisions...

...because vampires don’t reflect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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The staff at my local strip club figured out a great way to make decisions.

They take a poll.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Dets
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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What do they call the town leader who can't make a decision?

Mayor Maynot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soxman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?

He didn't want to make a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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What's the best day to make decisions?

Choosedays

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qefbuo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
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Why can't vampires make difficult decisions over the phone?

There are huge stakes on the line.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mastershow05
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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Standing helps you make decisions...

Cause it forces you to think on your feet!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ms_Alykinz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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What do ya call apple juice that makes all of the decisions?

Decider

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/donflamenc0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2015
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My Dr didn’t immediately treat my poison ivy reaction.

He doesn’t like to make rash decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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What would you call decisions you make while having a fever?

Ill-adviced!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kvothedota
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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My Dermatologist was fired today...

...they say he was just making too many rash decisions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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There was a boy..

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said β€œI am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said β€œNo way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad β€œYou cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked β€œwell, what is it?”

He said β€œDave Buttlicker”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Transitionals
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Why can’t you trust dermatologists?

They make rash decisions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorMasterBates
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Her: You got a vasectomy without talking to me? Are you serious?

Him: Yes, I’m not kidding you.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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Circumcision Puns Aren't Funny

My wife gave birth to our first son on Friday. This morning they came to get him for his circumscion and we were feeding him a bottle. The nurse said we were going to have to cut it short. I said ok, but not too short. And nobody laughed. They looked at me like an idiot. Hopefully the internet will appreciate this.

EDIT: Didn't expect this to garner so much attention, but I guess it deserves some elaboration. Yes, this actually happened and we had our son circumcised. Everything went well without any complications. I made this decision with my wife based on hygienic, traditional, and aesthetic reasons, and I am confident in my decision. I am circumcised, and I'm happy with it.

There are times in my son's life that i will need to make decisions for him, and this was one of those times. I understand that some people think I have committed a terrible crime against my son, but I disagree. There are many arguments for both sides, and I think these decisions should be made by family and doctors when the bridge comes to be crossed.

I'm not going to go through and answer all of the questions and insults individually, I have a newborn to take care off, but y'all feel free to hash it out.

Also, I still think my joke was pretty damn funny.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oemus2776
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!” A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Not to brag or anything

But I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I asked my dermatologist why my skin is so itchy a year ago, and he still hasn’t answered me.

I’m starting to think that he doesn’t want to make a rash decision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lankyjay16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Dadjoked my dad

My dad was having a hard time deciding if he should let his new mattress pad air out before putting it on his bed. I said "Well, why don't you sleep on it?".

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mariyahyfr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
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I've been having the most difficult time figuring out what audio system to put in my car.

I hate making decisions based on stereotypes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mingonius
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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I take my time when choosing a diaper cream...

I don't want to make a quick, rash decision!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI’d like to prescribe you a topical ointment for your skin irritation,” my doctor said.

β€œWoah, woah, doc,” I said, β€œLet’s not make any rash decisions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Buwanna

I recall from my youth, a time of great adventure. My friends and I on safari hunting the Great North-American Man-Eating Female Butt-Ox.

The hunt was difficult and expensive. Once one has been identified as an acceptable specimen you need to slow its wits and dull its decision making process. This is best accomplished with loud music, flashing lights and alcohol. But even then the hunt can be foiled by rushing in to early. If you're successful, you then need to separate it from the pack. This is the trickiest bit as less than ideal pack members will often fight ruthlessly to "protect" your target.

But even the most successful outings are not without risk. On several occasions I found myself entangled in a wrestling match for hours. But there lies the fruit of the hunt...

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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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I messed up while playing cards and played a single J instead of waiting to play a 9 10 J.

I wasn’t thinking straight.

(Explanation) In cards a string of numbers in a row is called a β€œstraight” and so by not thinking straight, I am both being confused and making poor decisions, and am also not thinking about the card combination of the same name.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Son_of_Carr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.

[deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.

[deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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My dad always said, β€œ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

β€œShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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My dad always told me, β€œFind a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The best advice my dad gave me was to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.

She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.

πŸ‘︎ 975
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo, and try to convince her to marry me.

They know how to make a bad decision, and then stick to it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her...

She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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