So many people these days are too judgmental

I can tell just by looking at them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtendedMacaroni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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I'm outside court.

I'm in a judgment free zone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilsoca
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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What is the most judgmental hot tub?

A j'cuzzie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spikey_mikey_86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed

I told her it's unfair to make a judgment in less than a minute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuitenantElo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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[NOT A JOKE] Does anyone else get extremely judgmental looks when pulling off a dadjoke in public?

I don't mind when I get these looks amongst close friends and family, but man, does it burn when it's from someone you don't know. I feel like I'm in the extreme minority that would actually laugh out loud if someone I'd just met/didn't know pulled one of these dadjokes in public. I feel like I'd immediately befriend that person, but my experience so far has been looks where it seems people just go, "Yeah... definitely not talking to that guy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/claytondufresne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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My food truck idea

Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.

"The Poach Coach"

Popular dishes:

  1. Eggs Been a Dick (2 poached eggs and 1 average but adequate size sausage)
  2. Omelette that one slide (you're choice of filling, but don't fucking test me)
  3. The Dwight Yolk Em' (served in a plastic cowboy hat to go. Must eat while walking the streets of Bakersfield) 4.The Mr. Burns Eggcellent Scramble (smithered with cheese)
  4. The Quiche a Grey (oralgasmic quiche with a money shot of sausage gravy)
  5. The John Denver Omelette (full of all kinds of shit)
  6. Jesus'ed egg (basically a deviled egg only more judgmental and boiled in holy water)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sakibombs85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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What do you call a crazy judge?

Judgmental

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πŸ‘€︎ u/logoman4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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What do you call a judge from a lower court when they go nuts?

Judgmental

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Why did Thanos’s people ignore his plan?

Because he was known for his snap judgments

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lord-of-fail
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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The court committed me to the psych ward today.

They were judgmental

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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Wife: Why are teapots so expensive?

Me: BECAUSE THEY MAKE YOU POUR!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogintheface
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2016
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True story: I wanted to print a dozen copies of a document, but selected 'Number of Copies: 12' on both MS Word and the printer itself, just to be sure. Turns out, it treated that as 12 times 12 copies.

I soon discovered that I had made a gross error of judgment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy...

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.

The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.

"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"

When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.

"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."

The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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Plumbing problems, dad joking the wife

We have recently been having problems with the plumbing, water draining very slowly etc. We tried different chemicals on different days to try and fix it before biting the bullet and getting someone clear them for us.

First day I started out with HCl and told my wife I was "going off to drop some acid." She groaned.

A few days later we switched to NaOH and I brushed my hair to the side and asked my wife if she liked my Skrillex impersonation. She told me it wasn't a very good impersonation. I said "hold your judgment for when I drop the base.".... She threatened me with a knife and told me to get out while laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2014
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Dadjoked by a legal opinion

From a trademark case filed by Zatarain's (the jambalaya guys) regarding competitor's "Chicken Fry" and "Fish Fry". Zatarain's lost at the district level and appealed.

"Battered, but not fried, Zatarain's appeals from the adverse judgment on several grounds."

I audibly groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meathappening
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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Discovery Channel's Dad Week

I was talking to my friends about shark week and one of them said that he felt like this year wasn't that great to which I responded "I know. It really jumped the shark". Everyone stared at me for about 45 seconds of horrible judgmental silence until one of my friends just said "Goddammit".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeyfreshh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
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My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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So many people are too judgmental these days...

I can tell just by looking at them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhishek26997
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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