breeziere... curtain brassiere
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!
Well just calm down and pull yourself together.
“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
I was going to cover the windows of our new house with curtains, but my wife came in and tossed vertical blinds at me...
Dunno why the she had to throw shade on my pursuit...
I needed to buy curtains for my computer
Just bought some new blackout curtains.
The difference between them and my old ones is like night and day.
(My wife just bought us some yesterday, I sent her this via text and she sent me an eye roll emoji)
A girl took me back to her place. The curtains were drawn
but the furniture was real
Window installer
Never get in a fight with a window installer
They'll bring the pane!
It's cold and dark outside, so I have drawn the curtains.
Why should you never have pokemon shower curtains?
Because they might pikachu.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
Curtains were probably invented by nudists
They didnt want someone to see them changing into something more comfortable
My moms putting curtains up. Perfect pun opportunity.
Mom: “Matthew! Can you grab the screws please?”
Me: “Oh screw this.”
Mom: “Can you grab some nails?”
Me: “Yup.” Sees the curtains up “Oh wow you’re really nailing it.”
Mom: “The drills on the counter. Would you mind...”
Me: “Don’t worry. I know the drill by now.”
My wife and I were putting up a curtain rod, and I had previously removed the cap at the end of the rod.
After we finished installing the hooks, and hung the curtains I asked her to hand the cap to me.
"Honey, can you hand me the pole end?"
She was unsure of what I meant, and asked, "What pole end?"
"Pole end is a country in eastern Europe, but I need you to hand me the cap the to the curtain rod."
Groaning ensues...
I had an idea to make some curtains that don't need to be fastened
But after the first prototype, that's out the window
What does John Steinbeck call his shower curtain?
A pencil challenged a pair of curtains to a staring contest
I complained that I felt like a pair of curtains...
... until my friend convinced me to pull myself together.
What do you call a woman stuck between a curtain and a window?
When you think about your past and how you've come sofa then you realize there are curtain things you can't change
Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a set of curtains.
Pull yourself together man!
I've finally given up on finding a name for my window coverings made from bug spray...
I call the search Off! It's curtains for that quest!
Curtains might argue during the daytime.
But they always come together at night.
How to keep a wall from becoming an iron curtain:
Keep stonewalling it till it's curtains.
When you think about your past and how you've come sofa then you realize there are curtain things you can't change
How many baseball players does it take to hang a curtain?
Why does Bob Dylan keep a curtain in front of his clock?
Cuz the times they are a' changin!
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, “I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?”
I said, “Why would I want two empty glasses?”
Dad joked my wife while measuring curtains.
We only have about an hour and a half to measure then go and purchase curtains before the baby needs a nap
Wife: Be quick please, we only have a small window
Me: Actually its about 2 metres wide
Wife: Groan
Sure Apple and Monsanto are evil...
But the shadiest companies manufacture blinds and curtains.
If you are smothered by hanging window coverings with no chance of escape...
...it's curtain death for you.
I went on a blind date yesterday, it didn’t work out.
Turns out I'm more into curtains.
Someone threw up on me at a party
I played the Soviet National Anthem next to my window
Now there's an Iron Curtain that I can't tear down!
Is my old fireplace Eastern Europe?
As it is behind an iron curtain.
Gets a laugh everytime
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
No?
So you're the asshole...
They say if you like it then you should put a ring on it.
Man, I must really love shower curtains.
I need dating advice. I've been seeing this woman for about three weeks.
Recently, she started closing her curtains...
A guy goes to a bar
And he says to the bartender, "I'm always feeling like a pair of curtains". The bartender replies "Have you tried opening up"?
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor:- Pull your self together!
Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Then pull yourself together
Me: Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
It's a classic/oldie
Father: Do you know the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?
Son: No.
Father: So you’re the one.
If it weren't for blinds...
It would be curtains for you.
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