A bunch of curtain puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharpshooter228
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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breeziere... curtain brassiere
πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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I needed to buy curtains for my computer

It had Windows

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luxara-VI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I was going to cover the windows of our new house with curtains, but my wife came in and tossed vertical blinds at me...

Dunno why the she had to throw shade on my pursuit...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Just bought some new blackout curtains.

The difference between them and my old ones is like night and day.

(My wife just bought us some yesterday, I sent her this via text and she sent me an eye roll emoji)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunkar00s
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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A girl took me back to her place. The curtains were drawn

but the furniture was real

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarkey2814
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.

Doctor:- Pull your self together!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Why should you never have pokemon shower curtains?

Because they might pikachu.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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It's cold and dark outside, so I have drawn the curtains.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theMikethe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you’re the one!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPooMD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Curtains were probably invented by nudists

They didnt want someone to see them changing into something more comfortable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightsOfPuzzles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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My moms putting curtains up. Perfect pun opportunity.

Mom: β€œMatthew! Can you grab the screws please?”

Me: β€œOh screw this.”

Mom: β€œCan you grab some nails?”

Me: β€œYup.” Sees the curtains up β€œOh wow you’re really nailing it.”

Mom: β€œThe drills on the counter. Would you mind...”

Me: β€œDon’t worry. I know the drill by now.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demonwithfries
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Me: Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains

Doctor: Pull yourself together

It's a classic/oldie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyMatty91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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I had an idea to make some curtains that don't need to be fastened

But after the first prototype, that's out the window

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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My wife and I were putting up a curtain rod, and I had previously removed the cap at the end of the rod.

After we finished installing the hooks, and hung the curtains I asked her to hand the cap to me.

"Honey, can you hand me the pole end?"

She was unsure of what I meant, and asked, "What pole end?"

"Pole end is a country in eastern Europe, but I need you to hand me the cap the to the curtain rod."

Groaning ensues...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewBo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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What does John Steinbeck call his shower curtain?

The drapes of bath

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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Father: Do you know the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?

Son: No.

Father: So you’re the one.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dougbud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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A pencil challenged a pair of curtains to a staring contest

They drew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomMason26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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I complained that I felt like a pair of curtains...

... until my friend convinced me to pull myself together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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What do you call a woman stuck between a curtain and a window?

Annette

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurboAxolotl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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When you think about your past and how you've come sofa then you realize there are curtain things you can't change
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HustleUncaged
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a set of curtains.

Pull yourself together man!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDevil123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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Curtains might argue during the daytime.

But they always come together at night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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How to keep a wall from becoming an iron curtain:

Keep stonewalling it till it's curtains.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyoverhop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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When you think about your past and how you've come sofa then you realize there are curtain things you can't change
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HustleUncaged
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
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How many baseball players does it take to hang a curtain?

One. A-Rod

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OCR9
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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Why does Bob Dylan keep a curtain in front of his clock?

Cuz the times they are a' changin!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/little_otis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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What does the chair say to the upset curtain? Pull yourself together
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tafelspitz1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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Dad joked my wife while measuring curtains.

We only have about an hour and a half to measure then go and purchase curtains before the baby needs a nap
Wife: Be quick please, we only have a small window
Me: Actually its about 2 metres wide
Wife: Groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/F1NANCE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains

Doctor: Then pull yourself together

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lyphng
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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