cured meats
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

Long time fan, first time poster.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I used to be blind but I cured it. My wife was the first person I saw

It was love at first sight.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0202
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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A coworker of mine told me that eating fertilizer cured him of COVID-19

but i bet he was just full of crap.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/palm_top
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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How do you make a cured ham?

Well first you find a pig with the sniffles...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vrek86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Instead of medicine, my hippie girlfriend cured her hemorrhoid using only the "power of positive suggestion."

"I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Did you hear how the mathematician cured his constipation?

He worked it out with a number two pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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If Mustard cured constipation .....

They'd have to spell it different.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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you are cured!
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Can you imagine cured meat? Sitting around, brining all day, never lifting a finger.

It's just in salting

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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Recently, my friend was cured of hemophilia.

So I gave him my coagulations.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RICLOL56
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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How do you greet at Muslim cured meats butcher ?

a-salami-maker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails but I cured her.

I hid her teeth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-BB
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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How they cured the mathematician's despression

Solved his problems

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abckidz123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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The meat put into salami is cured.

All the other meats are terminal.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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It's medicinal. She's cured.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShitzFez
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
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The sickness that isn't easily cured.

I kept forgetting to post this here, it's been years since this happened, but...

While sitting out on the back porch with my parents and some of their friends as they sip on drinks, my mom kicks my dad by accident and immediately says "Sorry, sorry, it's my restless leg syndrome."

My dad quickly but smoothly replies, "That's ok honey, you put up with my restless middle leg syndrome."

Groans were had among the wives while laughs were had among the dads. I was left in shock for a few minutes while I tried to remove that image from my head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Confused-Gent
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
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My friend re: cured meats

Mom: Do you want a snack? We've got some cheese and summer sausage.

Zack: You guys have had this since summer? I'm surprised it's still good...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chowaniec
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2014
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A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

πŸ‘︎ 29k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megad1rt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,

it was music to my arse!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoutieDwarf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?

He gets a taste of his own medicine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Umann
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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They found a plant that cures COVID-19!

It’s called plant yourself on the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubble_2107
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."

I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I invented the cure for Covid, it's made of my own breed of coffee.

I call it the Mcafee antivirus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aglaz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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My daughter invented a writing instrument that never runs out of ink, never smudges and cures any other difficulties associated with writing...

It's a regular penacea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?

The Sausages.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I made a medicine using ducks that can cure cancer...

That’s quackery!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhCuber05
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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They developed a cure for my vampirism AND my blindness!

Never thought I'd see the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Safecyn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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A blind man asked a doctor if there was a way to cure his blindness

The doctor said eat plenty of sea salt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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This one will give you a headache. Or Cure it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrpoopiepants
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Did you guys hear about the deli at the medical research clinic?

I guess they successfully cured cancer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jewlius_Ceizure
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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How did the doctors cure the invisible man?

They took him to the ICU.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RufusHalloween
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....

WOW....I'm cured.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I have found the cure for blindness!

It’s seafood!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Has anyone heard that joke that seemingly cures Covid-19?

I havent yet, but I heard its a riot

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Did you hear that they came out with a cure for the Coronavirus?

Me neither... But apparently it's a riot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthony_014
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no cure.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Please help
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xcognito
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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When you're driving but can't see that well...

Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.

https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv

Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guriboysf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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I’ve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.

I won’t rest until I find it.

πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeusthedog92
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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I used to have erectile dysfunction

I grew out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exaball
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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So I walk into the pharmacy, and ask for a coronovirus cure.

Them: Ammonia cleaner?

Me: oh sorry I thought you were the pharmacist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RB9k
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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I created a vaccine for apathy,

unfortunately no one seems interested.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oppy1984
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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They say eating raw meat can make you sick

Don't worry I cured it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howard_Jones
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1,001 cures for itches.'

I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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I lost my notes I was writing for my book called "1,001 ways to cure an itch."

Guess I'll have to start from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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I’ve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.

I won’t rest until I find it.

πŸ‘︎ 487
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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I will not rest until I find the cure ..

... for insomnia

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gavin_SunBreaker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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