The culprit is a major D.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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We just played a new beta version of Clue, and it came down to 2 people being the culprit, the lady who makes climbing devices or the transgender who is a 3D printer...

Was it the latter or the former?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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How did the police know the beaver was the culprit?

The evidence was DAMning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WingedDing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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The worlds shortest man and worlds tallest man have just robbed a bank.

The police are searching high and low for the culprits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Someone stole all the toilets from the local police station!

They’re looking for the culprits, but they have nothing to go on.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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A police officer was investigating the theft of an attachΓ©.

The culprit was quickly found so you could say it was a very brief case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slap_the_teacakes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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A number of memorial plates have been vandalised recently...

The culprit, a crazed 34 year old Dentist name Michael. When asked why he did it said: "I just really hate plaque."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/colour_of_cows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Someone stole the soap from the bathroom again

The culprit made a clean get away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Got the girlfriend after packing away the groceries.

GF: Don't you want to go check why the pantry door isn't closing.

Me: Wander over to the pantry, look inside, and spot the culprit immediately.

GF: So what was the problem?

Me: Slowly take the tin of jam out, and while grinning like an idiot, I look at her and say: Looks like the door had been jammed.

GF: Sighs and rolls her eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legithmus
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
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A man and his fence.

One day a man looks out his window and finds one of his fence posts dug up and put in the ground somewhere else.

For the next couple of days this continues on but with a new fence post.

Yesterday was the last straw, so the men sat on his balcony all night to see who the culprit was.

Sure enough at 2am a couple of teenagers show up and get ready to dig up another fence post.

Man: "you goddamn teenagers! Stop digging up old posts and reposting them!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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The local brewery are trying to figure out who's been swimming in the vats of fermented apple juice

They're fairly certain the culprit is an incider.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2016
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The Ontario Cannabis Store reported a data breach affecting 4,500 customers

They say the police are trying to weed out the culprit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banksy0726
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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Train derails after rail lines stolen...

The culprits left no tracks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valitri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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my proudest moment

Last week, I took my friends to my parents house at the beach for a couple days for fun vacation times. One of my friends bought a box of cheerwine krispy kreme doughnuts, but one of the tasty morsels mysteriously disappeared in the night. The day after, we discussed the culprit options. One person said "maybe it was your dad," another said "maybe it was your mom," and I said "or maybe it was one of us.." A couple seconds of silence passed, then I had the biggest pun eureka moment in which I excitedly chortled, "Man, this is a real WHODOUGHNUT!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gooseyp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2011
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My doctor is the master of dad jokes

I wasn't feeling well and I suspected some intestinal blockage to be the culprit. Naturally, I made an appointment with my doctor. I'm in the treatment room waiting when he comes in.

Doc: Not feeling well huh? What do you think it is?

Me: I'm not sure but I've had weird bowel movements I think it's blockage

Doc: I don't believe you

Me: wut

Doc: you're lying to me

Me: no seriously doc I'm blocked up here

Doc: I know, you're full of shit

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
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